California. People are easy to get along and are welcoming, can’t complain about weather, nature. Love bright and spacious houses. Love that I can garden year around but also not living completely rural. Husband loves outdoor sports opportunities.

Good options to send kids to local colleges and for jobs.

A bit far to travel to popular destinations like Europe or Asia or Australia.

But mostly it is perfect because it has become my home. And I would also be equally content in many other places: I try to see positives about any area I decided to call home.

Why is there even an expectation on your part or on your family part that migrants always come home for holidays?

When I was planning my migration I knew, my family knew that’s there will be times when visiting home will not be possible for numerous reasons.

Telling yourself and your family: “don’t worry about my migration. I am only moving short flight away” is being dishonest.

Time to be honest and admit to everyone that there will be many times when visiting home will not happen.

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My brother lived all his life in the same country. I lived in multiple cities/countries.

Both of us had good lives: He enjoyed benefits that are typical for people who live in the same place. I enjoyed benefits that comes with migration.

Both of us were fortunate to avoided problems: He avoided problems that are typical for people who live in the same place. I avoided problems that are typical for migrants.

I really dislike posts that lead to romanticizing migration.

So there are 190 or so countries. All will offer you something different and all have different culture.

Yet you prioritized Germany, Spain, Ireland, NZ, Netherlands. Why?

Normally people should be able to tolerate place they dislike, especially if it is temporary. ( assuming you are not being abused, threatened, bullied, starved)

If you truly can’t overcome being there, it is a sign of desperation and I recommend seeing someone who is more qualified.

Those are your people. You know what kind of people they are and what is your level of responsibility towards those people.

I know what is MY level of responsibility towards my people. But it specific to me and my family.

This problem is not specifically migrant related. People have issues like that with families that are local.

Migrant of 20 years.

I’ve learned to be honest with myself: I don’t say to myself “I love challenges and adventures” but also “ challenges and adventures are too tiring for me”

Instead say:

“this endeavor has potential too be too stressful/too expensive/too labor intensive to bring me happiness”

Or:

“This project has potential to be so enjoyable that I don’t mind stress, work that comes with this”

Anyway I migrated one time because positives outweighed negatives big time. Since then I didn’t migrate again because there was no country/no opportunity where benefits would outweigh negatives.

It will cost you less than migration to another country.

And it will be addressed faster than migration to another country.

Migration is not cheap and migration is rarely logistically straightforward.

My husband doesn’t speak my language and my mother doesn’t speak my husband’s language.

Each of them can say/ understand few words like “hello” /“good morning” “thank you” . But not much more.

I translate few phrases between them. But mostly when my mom visits I either have conversation with my mom that my husband doesn’t participate or i have conversation with my husband that my mom doesn’t participate. (My husband usually occupies himself with whatever while I can catch up with my mom)

It works reasonably OK for the duration of visits that can last up to few months every few years.

If you were to ask me before migration I would suggest you to stay where you were: in USA

Why: because benefits of moving to Spain were not significant enough to compensate for negatives

Today, my suggestion is the same: Stay where you are currently ( in Spain) because benefits of moving back to USA are not significant.

By choosing staying where you are you avoid headaches of relocation.

I would not be moving unless my migration has potential to improve my ( my family) life drastically, so I would be able to ignore negative that comes with migration.

I think it’s because it’s always such a shock to go literally anywhere else where the crazy things mentioned throughout this thread don’t exist, or at least to such a strong degree.

This phenomena is not unique to American emigrants, but the love to talk about USA is something else.

( I had quite “crazy” things happening in my country for a few decades too, no need to have reassurance though)

Americans love to talk about USA. They can’t help it 🤣

Well, it looks like you’ve made up your mind.

Good luck!

If economy is killing you right now in US it will be also effecting you in EU.

I don’t believe in cross Atlantic migration for marginal improvement in economic situation. Because Cross Atlantic relocation is too stressful to keep migrating every time economic conditions become somewhat better on one continent compared to another one.

Can’t say anything about what is more important local friends or family back home as this is very personal for different people.

I suggest to consider if can you improve your current situation locally by moving to a different town, renegotiating your contract, by improving your resume. Are there other ways you can improve your financial circumstances?

( this can be easier than logistics of cross Atlantic relocation)

Really? So all of us, poor migrants from less developed countries who migrated to USA are too poor to use Reddit?

Migration to USA includes people of all income levels. And social media is also available for everyone to use

I did not say all Americans and I did not say it is unique to Americans.

So where is exaggeration?

My feeling of being “at home” comes from the actual house/flat I live in. Every time I move, it can take some time to fix everything to my liking. But by the time everything is done the house becomes my home.

I prefer not to use rose-tinted glasses.

In any country, including my country of birth, unpredictable negatives events do happen. Such possibility is accepted as part of life.

20 years ago I moved to USA to be with my husband

You asked for advice. My advice: be honest with yourself about what is root of your unhappiness and how big is your problem.

You don’t feel depressed “all the time” . You just came 4 days ago. This is unhelpful exaggeration

You say that you don’t expect for this problem to get better. If you truly honest with yourself and you don’t expect to enjoy your life in USA than the only possible solution is to leave USA.

So it is very important for you to honestly and without exaggeration to decide for yourself if it is impossible for you to enjoy your life in USA.