Long story short, I was guilt tripped for 3 years into coming home. I think the reason is that I’m from a small family.
Anyways, when I finally caved in and said I’m coming back to stay with family for a while, they complained so much about putting me up and just made me feel as if I was begging. When I told them that I had spent loads of money on plane tickets and even took unpaid leave from work, they told me ‘it’s not all about you’
My mum asked my brother behind my back whether I was giving him any money for the 15 minute lifts he offered to give me in his car, and when I confronted her about it, she said ‘we all have our own lives and problems to deal with’ in a really pissed off tone.
It feels that even after flying to the other side of the world to see them, they want me to go the extra mile rather than just supporting me when I’m on their side. Asking for support seems like an insult to them.
I dunno, it was just a really unpleasant experience and I feel that they’re telling me to come back whilst pushing me away. I feel that although my family say that my move abroad made them depressed, upset etc, they’re unwilling to put in the support to have me here.
I’m happy in my new country and didn’t even really want to go back. I went back for them only, but it’s like they’re expecting me to pay for literally everything and then just complain when I ask one of them to lift a finger to help.
MY QUESTION: Would you go home for a family who ‘misses and loves you’ and ‘felt depressed when you left’ even if you had to pay for basically everything and have barely any support from them? Is it really our responsibility to go home, or should we just continue our lives without looking back?
Those are your people. You know what kind of people they are and what is your level of responsibility towards those people.
I know what is MY level of responsibility towards my people. But it specific to me and my family.
This problem is not specifically migrant related. People have issues like that with families that are local.
Yep, I had this with my in-laws, who lived within 2-3.5 hours from us. Drama, whining, needing almost daily phone calls from my husband/their only child. I can’t imagine how they would have been had we ever moved further than 6 hours away (the furthest we ever lived from them) and to another country.
My fam is all overseas.
My dad and stepmom visit from overseas regularly, keep in touch, no drama. My siblings I keep in touch with fairly regularly. Extended family tends to have the out of sight out of mind experience. Not being part of each other’s daily lives just means you don’t register often (this goes both ways mind you.)