Hey there, currently facing a dilemma.
I’m not able to go back to my origin country for the holidays due to money, scheduling, flying in the winter being miserable, being horribly depressed just stuck in my parents house, and a friend recently moving to my new country and wanting to be there for them.
How do I even begin to tell my family that I’m not coming back? They’re trying to include me in a gift exchange (without having asked…), and just fully expect me to come back like I did last year. I’ve told them I don’t know about vacation time yet, but I’m not really sure what to say at this point.
Do I just lie and say I couldn’t get the time approved? Or do I tell the truth that I just don’t want to do all that travel and spend all that money…
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"After lots of thought, I’ve made the difficult decision that I am not coming home for holidays this year. For a lot of reasons, it simply isn’t in the cards this time . I feel badly for the disappointing news, but hopefully this is enough notice that I am not included in a gift exchange or other plans. I look forward to video chatting with everyone at a time that is convenient for all of you together. "
Sorry… I’m trying to save both my time off and my budget, and I’d rather stay home and relax this year. So I won’t be visiting this holiday season. Let’s talk about plans for me to visit sometime next year. Enjoy the holidays. I’ll miss you guys.
I truly don’t understand what’s wrong with just telling your family you don’t want to fly back in forth for hours and hours and spend a bunch of money.
You’re an adult. You have your own life to take care of. It’s really not that complicated.
Pretty easy. Say ‘I’m not coming home’
Tell them the truth. they are family. you shouldn’t lie to family. tell them your buddy is moving to town and rather than have them spend it alone in a new country, you want to show them around. just leave out the miserable stuff out of your explanation.
I haven’t been home for the holidays in more than 20 years.
“I’m establishing my own Christmas traditions here now, I wish you all a very nice Christmas, we’ll facetime on the Christmas eve, so I’ll see what y’all got”
Since you like your family, I’d try- “Christmas is such an expensive, stressful, crowded, difficult time to travel. We’d rather spend time with you than stuck at an airport. So we’ll call on Christmas but visit in person a different time. Does date X work for you?” This approach worked for me
Have you seen four christmases? Tell them you’re doing volunteer work lol
Just put on the big boy pants and tell them that you’re not coming this year. You don’t need to make excuses but you can say that “money, scheduling, flying in the winter being miserable, being horribly depressed just stuck in my parents house, and a friend recently moving to my new country and wanting to be there for them.”
Those are called reasons, not excuses - if you want to tell them. But if you don’t want to tell them then just don’t.
Saying oh it cost too much will make someone offer to pay even though they won’t… But they won’t be able to do much about those others.
Tell them you like them and you enjoy being around them but you’re not going to be able to do it this year. They are welcome to pay and travel to you if it is so important.
Hey dude, just copy and paste this in to a text message, email, WhatsApp or your chosen platform for communication:
“Dear Mom, I am not coming home for Christmas. Love, ”
Just tell them you’re not. Invite then over to your house instead and see what their excuse will be for not coming… I haven’t been home for Xmas since I was 18. I’m 51. I’m in the US and they’re in Europe. You’re an adult and get to decide what you want to do and what you can afford.
What are you, twelve?
Tell them if they’re that bothered then they should try not being such a massive pain in the arse and then switch your phone off.
I mean, no offense but what you suggest sounds like a reaction from a 12 year old instead. There are ways to stand your ground while still being diplomatic and not burn bridges.
Do I just lie and say I couldn’t get the time approved?
Do you live in a country where you get like eight weeks of holiday? That’d be a relatively obvious lie.
Just tell them that you’re not coming home this winter.
Why so difficult tell them it 's too expensive, and you want to help a friend that just moved there.
If they can’t handle that there is no point of visiting these people at all.
But I stopped doing Xmas about 30 years ago.
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