Hey guys. I’m 25F. I was raised in the Middle East, Dubai/Bahrain and have had a fabulous life there. I moved to italy a couple of years ago and loved it way more than I liked the Middle East. It started to feel like home there. I’m a national of a horrible weak country so I don’t have the option to just pack my bags up and move.
My husband is American so I moved to America about 4 days ago but am finding it extremely hard to adjust. I’ve travelled here before but have not loved it as much so moving here permanently has been extremely challenging. I keep crying everyday no matter what I do, I’m struggling to adapt and fit in.
Any advice to overcome this?
It’s been 4 days, write us in a year and if it’s still the same then maybe make changes?
It’s all in your head man, things will clear up for you in time. I know it’s kinda vague advice, but it’s just cliche and true. I felt your way and 3 years later I don’t even like going back to my home country.
You moved to the US and are depressed? Sounds like your adjustment is working just fine. :(
I had an absolute mental CRISIS the first week when I moved from the US to France. I couldn’t bring myself to get out of bed, questioned everything that led me to that decision, wanted to just book a flight out immediately. I remember on day 4 or 5 feeling like I had been there for week because every day felt so long. I wasn’t eating/could barely stomach the thought of food and was so overwhelmed with fears and with all of the new sights…sounds…people…fears. Add on the timezone difference to family/friends and I was convinced my life was over. It does get better I promise! Try Bumble BFF app, it’s commonly used in a lot of the US and it will help you make friends. Each time you leave your new home and make it back safely will feel like an accomplishment - leave as often as you can to encourage yourself to know that you can! Some other ideas:
*Go to your nearest Target, grab a coffee at Starbucks there, and just stroll around. *Find a walking trail nearby and go for an afternoon walk *Go see a movie! *Go to Barnes & Noble and read for a while in their cafe *Look up where you could go for a little weekend trip nearby and start planning a trip. Even if you cant go for a while, planning it can bring excitement. *Start making a journal of nearby necessities: Where the doctors/urgent care centers are, grocery stores, bakeries, etc. Even having that knowledge ready and available can lower your stress level.
Hi
I have read your slight worry about living in USA … well why don’t you propose to your husband to move out of you both to Australia …
Australia is much of a global base living where many people are heading to this country …
It might be better for your life
I’m not yet an expat (will be in the beginning of the year), and never moved to such a different country than my own. But I just wanted to let you know one thing: I moved into a new house two months ago in my own country, to a different area (where we didn’t know anyone) in the countryside, half an hour from our kids schools. It took me/it’s still taking a while to adjust and get used to this new place. And we moved 30km, in my own country. I cried a bit in the beginning thinking that we had been through all this effort (renovation works and leaving a great place we loved) and I wasn’t enjoying it after all.
Give yourself grace and time.
4 days is jet lag in the mix. Things like change take a long time sometimes. Remember that for something new like a habit to sink in we need to do it for 21 days straight. Allow yourself time. It’s ok to cry and not feel it right, just yet.
Just out of curiosity, where in the states have you moved to? From what I know, most of the middle east and Italy have tons of sunshine? Even within the numerous states I’ve lived, several days of gloomy weather in a row, and I get depressed and somewhat anxious. I know I am extremely sensitive to environmental stuff, but could something like this be a contributing factor?
I’m in PA right now! The cold is definitely something that’s murdering me. It’s way too chilly here for me.
OH yeah that will do it too. I live in California, and if I have to travel to cold states in the winter, I get pretty down.
I’m not sure where in PA, but for me, when it’s cloudy and gloomy out, I just go into this dark mental hole. A SAD light might help. Some are cheap and crappy though so do some research. For the cold, make sure you have some good quality clothes/shoes and try to get out for a short walk daily. It’s really hard for me to do when I’m depressed but it does help a little. Maybe there are some people in your neighborhood that walk regularly?
Ok I can see your distress. If you were in LA it would be easier. Closer climate to ME and Italy. Large ME pop if you missing cuisine and culture.
PA just isn’t great. Philly isn’t great. Just my opinion. Bill burrs roast of Philly is legendary.
are you depressed because you moved to the us or depressed in general?
depressed because I’m here. I’m really close to my family so not being able to talk, be in the same timezone, just the culture here is messing me up
I moved to America about 4 days ago
Take a deep breath. If you start feeling anxious go for a walk. Give it time. 4 days is not even close to enough time to adapt and fit in. You are probably still jet lagged.
probably. I’ve been here before for sure but I think it’s the part of not having my own space or house I guess? Currently we’re with his family while we house hunt so it’s been a whole struggle. They’re lovely people but I just want my own home to come back to because culturally, even eating wise, we’re very different people
I get that, I like to have my own space. Moving is stressful especially moving to a new country. Try not to get overwhelmed by the situation, by everything. I know it’s easier said than done but it’s really early days and given time things will start to feel settled. For now take things one day at a time. Do something to help yourself feel calm and comfortable, something that feels familiar, for example re-read your favourite book. Rewatch your favourite films or tv show. Eat some food you love. Cook something to share your culture with your husbands family if they are open to it. Be patient with his family because it will be an adjustment for them to have him back and to open their home. Sooner or later you and your husband will get your own house with your own space. Before long you will feel settled and you will look back and be proud of how you handled this time in your life.
Remember that life is long and that there are so many adventures to be had. It’s okay to be sad about leaving Italy, but there are plenty of fun and interesting things to do in the US. Give it a chance.
that’s the plan for now! My husband is extremely supportive and sees through everything. He’s trying his best to make me adapt to it but I think I’m just stuck in the past. I find it very hard to adapt to change and that’s something that’s wrecking me completely and affecting me more than I thought it would
I understand your struggle and emotions but I also have to ask, what specifically about America is it that you dislike? Aside from the time difference and being far away from family (which are valid reasons, but that’s not US specific stuff) what have you been doing in the 4 days that has shown you that life will be worse? I say this as an American who moved to the UK and has become disillusioned with the States but can also acknowledge how friendly and diverse the people are, and how much there is to do and see.
Yes it’ll be different and culture shock is very real, but you aren’t settled there, you don’t have a home or a routine or hobbies yet. You’ll have to make an effort to actively live there and build a life, a community of people, and slowly it’ll start to come together. If after a year or so it isn’t a right fit at least you tried and know, but for now see it as an opportunity to explore a new place. I hope things look up for you soon, hang in there
As cliche as it sounds, honestly it’s mostly the safety aspect of things I guess. In the Middle East, you could walk around wherever you wanted & you’d be safe and wouldn’t run into neighborhoods that were not safe or full of drugs etc. the guns absolutely terrify me to no end and I’m trying to move past that mentality but it’s very hard to. It’s the fear of getting robbed, or a shooting breaking out I guess?
Other than that, I would say it’s the tax culture with a little bit of the tipping lifestyle that I dislike but obviously don’t base the whole country on. It seems like there is a lot to do here but it’s not as simple as booking a flight to someplace and going care free (I did that before with San Francisco and it was a nightmare of a trip). I feel like I need to research a lot here and it can be draining sometimes especially if I’m not used to it.
I love what America has to offer, don’t get me wrong. Every country has its pros and cons, italy has a lot of robberies but none of them ever were life threatening, they’d just take your stuff and run away without you knowing. The Middle East had absolutely nothing. It’s the cost of living with a big factor for safety that scares me a little bit but after talking to a lot of people, I’ve realized that it doesn’t really happen that often so I’m trying to give it a genuine try!
Please do give it a try, I think you’re basing your perception of the US on social media and news which obviously is going to paint a certain picture in your mind. Obviously every city and state and place is different but I’ve lived in multiple cities of California and spent a summer in Rhode Island and I don’t feel unsafe regularly. I am not thrilled about the prospect of guns either but you really aren’t at risk on a daily walk — I go hiking alone as a woman and have never experienced any issues. I say all of this as someone who isn’t sure I want to spend my life in America forever, but who is also trying to see the good and opportunity of it.
I understand what you miss about Europe but I promise you that any place you live there are robberies. My friend in London captured an attempted murder just outside her window the other night. I think you are projecting some of your frustrations with adapting to a new place to being US issues — when I lived in London planning a trip to another country was still effort and I had to do research just like anywhere else. Yes, budget airlines don’t exist here, but it’s no different flying between states. I think the biggest drawback is to how reliant on cars it is to travel here.
You speak about the states as if you’ve personally been robbed every day you’ve been here, and speak about the Middle East as a safe haven but I would like to assume there are these issues like robberies in the Middle East, just maybe not right in front of you or around you. Same as here, and any robberies I’ve witnessed were never violent, and I’ve worked in retail plenty. I sympathise with you changing to this new lifestyle and i also feel that the US isn’t some dream location, but it’s not an awful place to live. If you set it up to be a disappointment in your mind then you will keep looking for reasons to be disgruntled. Once you have a routine it’ll get a bit better, you’ll be able to find some hobbies and people to settle yourself in
Thank you! I really appreciate that x we went down to SC for house viewings and stuff and it honestly put my mind to ease a lot. I know I won’t adapt in a week and that it would take time but I’m giving it my everything! I’m extremely excited to start my life here & appreciate every input I’ve got from this community. It really did change the way I view the situation I’m in right now, it’s just a battle with my mind really haha. Thank you again xx
While she didn’t move countries for me, my wife(girlfriend at the time)moved half way across Canada, a very large country, to follow me. She hated it in our new city. She had a very tough time adjusting. She also gave up a much better job than the new one she took on. I’ve always felt grateful for her making this sacrifice. She finally confirmed in me after about 6 months. She hid it from me very well. Now almost 24 years later, I am looking at making the move half way across Canada for her. It will cost me a very good job, but she’s worth it, and she did it for me. I’m sorry none of that will really help you, but you really need to speak to your husband. Also, it wouldn’t hurt to speak to someone professionally. There are people out there to speak to. I wish you the best.
A similar thing happened to me: we moved to Canada. After 15 minutes I was cold so we left! Now we’re happy in Death Valley!
As we moved from Russia to Germany in the mid 90’s my mother cried 2 years, how hard it is and how challenging but now u hear not a single tone, best decision of her life (she said, she struggled with the language very much but for your problem, still i cant read your problems idont see them, what is challenging? Why do u cry, u are 4 days in a country and struggle to adapt and fit in - i dont know how u can tell this after 4 days, what is hard to adjust the daily life?
America is a giant country. what part of the US are you living in? Adjusting from a life in Rome to a life in NYC is a whole different thing than moving to Milwaukee
This! I’m from NYC and Iive in Venice and I hate it! Yes it’s beautiful but nothing to do. I’m always bored. I would say try to hang in there until you can get into your own space.
Pittsburgh!
Moving is very stressful… Changing countries is stressful… I would give it some time. Personally, I think the USA is awesome. People are friendly and it’s huge.