Hey guys. I’m 25F. I was raised in the Middle East, Dubai/Bahrain and have had a fabulous life there. I moved to italy a couple of years ago and loved it way more than I liked the Middle East. It started to feel like home there. I’m a national of a horrible weak country so I don’t have the option to just pack my bags up and move.
My husband is American so I moved to America about 4 days ago but am finding it extremely hard to adjust. I’ve travelled here before but have not loved it as much so moving here permanently has been extremely challenging. I keep crying everyday no matter what I do, I’m struggling to adapt and fit in.
Any advice to overcome this?
I understand your struggle and emotions but I also have to ask, what specifically about America is it that you dislike? Aside from the time difference and being far away from family (which are valid reasons, but that’s not US specific stuff) what have you been doing in the 4 days that has shown you that life will be worse? I say this as an American who moved to the UK and has become disillusioned with the States but can also acknowledge how friendly and diverse the people are, and how much there is to do and see.
Yes it’ll be different and culture shock is very real, but you aren’t settled there, you don’t have a home or a routine or hobbies yet. You’ll have to make an effort to actively live there and build a life, a community of people, and slowly it’ll start to come together. If after a year or so it isn’t a right fit at least you tried and know, but for now see it as an opportunity to explore a new place. I hope things look up for you soon, hang in there
As cliche as it sounds, honestly it’s mostly the safety aspect of things I guess. In the Middle East, you could walk around wherever you wanted & you’d be safe and wouldn’t run into neighborhoods that were not safe or full of drugs etc. the guns absolutely terrify me to no end and I’m trying to move past that mentality but it’s very hard to. It’s the fear of getting robbed, or a shooting breaking out I guess?
Other than that, I would say it’s the tax culture with a little bit of the tipping lifestyle that I dislike but obviously don’t base the whole country on. It seems like there is a lot to do here but it’s not as simple as booking a flight to someplace and going care free (I did that before with San Francisco and it was a nightmare of a trip). I feel like I need to research a lot here and it can be draining sometimes especially if I’m not used to it.
I love what America has to offer, don’t get me wrong. Every country has its pros and cons, italy has a lot of robberies but none of them ever were life threatening, they’d just take your stuff and run away without you knowing. The Middle East had absolutely nothing. It’s the cost of living with a big factor for safety that scares me a little bit but after talking to a lot of people, I’ve realized that it doesn’t really happen that often so I’m trying to give it a genuine try!
Please do give it a try, I think you’re basing your perception of the US on social media and news which obviously is going to paint a certain picture in your mind. Obviously every city and state and place is different but I’ve lived in multiple cities of California and spent a summer in Rhode Island and I don’t feel unsafe regularly. I am not thrilled about the prospect of guns either but you really aren’t at risk on a daily walk — I go hiking alone as a woman and have never experienced any issues. I say all of this as someone who isn’t sure I want to spend my life in America forever, but who is also trying to see the good and opportunity of it.
I understand what you miss about Europe but I promise you that any place you live there are robberies. My friend in London captured an attempted murder just outside her window the other night. I think you are projecting some of your frustrations with adapting to a new place to being US issues — when I lived in London planning a trip to another country was still effort and I had to do research just like anywhere else. Yes, budget airlines don’t exist here, but it’s no different flying between states. I think the biggest drawback is to how reliant on cars it is to travel here.
You speak about the states as if you’ve personally been robbed every day you’ve been here, and speak about the Middle East as a safe haven but I would like to assume there are these issues like robberies in the Middle East, just maybe not right in front of you or around you. Same as here, and any robberies I’ve witnessed were never violent, and I’ve worked in retail plenty. I sympathise with you changing to this new lifestyle and i also feel that the US isn’t some dream location, but it’s not an awful place to live. If you set it up to be a disappointment in your mind then you will keep looking for reasons to be disgruntled. Once you have a routine it’ll get a bit better, you’ll be able to find some hobbies and people to settle yourself in
Thank you! I really appreciate that x we went down to SC for house viewings and stuff and it honestly put my mind to ease a lot. I know I won’t adapt in a week and that it would take time but I’m giving it my everything! I’m extremely excited to start my life here & appreciate every input I’ve got from this community. It really did change the way I view the situation I’m in right now, it’s just a battle with my mind really haha. Thank you again xx