I’ve moved away from my home country for about a year now.
Whenever I can, I try to stay in touch with family back home via the phone or messaging apps, I’ve never been super attached to my family, but every family has their issues, nevertheless I try my best.
After finally getting my residency in my new country, I was planning on going back home, and I just feel like nobody in my home country cares, I would be writing excited messages about visiting home just to get very cold responses. It feels like everyone has moved on and forgot about me. I know my mom and relatives have never been expressive, but the least you could do is look forward to me visiting. Last week I got covid, although I wasn’t dying or anything, but when I told family members, all they did was reply “take care” and that was it. I know everyone has their own personal problems, but I just can’t help but feel kind of sad that nobody in my home country seems to care about me anymore.
I’ve experienced this with my friends. They really don’t care and when we meet up, the conversation happens between the 2 of them about subjects that I’m not part of and I’m the 3rd wheel.
My friends stopped contact with me. Iv no friends at home now. Am I hurt? For sure. But that’s life.
I think it ebbs and flows. I’ve been living abroad for 13 years and I was and still am close to my family. But I have a family of my own now, and my siblings do, too, and many of my friends from “back home.” Sometimes I am in touch with them more than others, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Try not to take it too personally if they’re not as responsive as you’d like, tone can be hard to read over text.
I believe it’s often because of jealousy.
Vy honest and relatable, an authentic aspect l share btw, the value of people in home country is telegraphed by the fact you wanted to split l learned this being away winters in tropics and having that seem to arise out of envy on returns. Although it has less to do with people than is inferred in earnest. I find relative malaise around me back winters via covid economic political effects. l failed at a visa attempt in a destination country where l planned to retire during covid. Now in hindsight it would have been a bad set evidenced how the country acted with lock downs which were draconian and now having turbo domestic problems, maybe dodged a bullet.
So a general truth regarding friends home in us is no one has enough feel good to share it gratuitously. Some do suck and it’s why l cannot count on the majority of them for squat. I shifted recently to recognize “shine it on” wish em well smile away for the good times and not feel loss as personal or with any spite. its better now and different it will get that way for you l imagine. day at a time if need be. good luck
I think you are just missing home. Just visit often and ask them to visit you. Enjoy them even if it’s dinner or for lunch and don’t think they “don’t care” or not there for you, you may be surprised that once you see them and tell them the funny stories of your adventure, you will have fun with them again.
That’s just sad 😞
Yeah that happens. Try 7 years away and you are only more out of the loop.
I’m at an age where those old friends are having families of their own now, so it’s to be expected.
I try and remind myself that even if I were to have stayed at home, it’s very likely my social circles would have changed anyway.
Friends coming in and going out of your life is pretty normal.
I do the same regarding your comment about reminding myself my situation would be similar had I stayed in my home country.
I’m not OP, but I got my Portuguese residency within 7 months of applying. It went pretty quickly.
What kind of residency?
But you’re not a permanent resident right, you got like a NIE?
Myself I don’t get this. If it was good and vibing. We stay good. If we did grew apart and lost the vibe. Then fine.
I wasn’t referring to friends as I know those coma and go, was more referring to immediate family
Tradeoffs
That’s normal actually. What’s not so normal is that YOU haven’t moved on to new friends…
Who says I don’t have new friends? Also I was talking about family back home
That’s strange. I have a different experience. Now that I’m living abroad mostly everyone in my family tries harder to keep in contact with me. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7KzTfwl5WaA&t=13s
Nothing unusual. Few more years, and you will forget them as well. If you had good time in the past, keep it as a good memory. Nothing more.
I feel you. My family is also not super attached nor do they share they’re emotions. Also most of my extended family is in Europe and I’ve grown up away from them so I get a messages from my uncle but everyone else is like once in a blue moon. My mom or dad do sometimes message asking to FaceTime and it’s just to catch up what I’ve been up to or helping me solve a crisis I messaged them week before about
It’s the thing that shocked me the most. Shortly after I moved abroad, everyone acted like I died or ceased to exist. Out of sight out of mind or something. I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s been several years for me, so I’m almost accustomed to it.
Guess I’ll get used to it
I’m so sorry. I wish it wasn’t a thing at all, but I guess for some of us it is. hugs
Having an annual ‘event’ can sometimes be a good way to manage old relationships. It can be an annual Christmas dinner, a weekend of golf, etc.
Then there is no obligation to remain super connected throughout the year, but everyone should show up for that gathering and have a good time.