I’ve lived in paris for 5/6 years, I was fluent when I arrived (years of international school) and my mom had already been living here for several years. Still, it was a big culture shock and adjustment and absolutely levelled up my French to the point where now French people usually assume I am from here.
The problem is even with all that, I just don’t feel at home. Some cultural differences feel insurmountable, the blasé and critical attitude is difficult for me, I’ve always been very high energy and jokey and have a hard time finding people in everyday life who match that energy. Whenever I go back to the states I feel so fulfilled and like myself and it really makes me question why I’m here. I have a very cool job in the non-profit sector, so not super well-paid, and a very stable loving relationship, my apartment, my mom… there’s still something where I feel like I’ll never fully be accepted here. I feel like my American-ness immediately puts me down in peoples’ eyes, I feel like I will never write perfectly or totally grasp codes and it will always take me a slight extra effort to understand things that are easy for people here. I don’t get cultural references and I don’t know the clichés of every tiny town and region.
I’m from New York so I liked living here because I felt that Paris was such a better cost of living/quality of life ratio, and I love the work-life balance and accessibility of culture. However, what use are my 5 weeks of vacation if I spend half of them going back home? And probably, I always will, because my missing home will never go away, my friends and family there will keep getting married or getting sick or just being there ?
And France’s descent into xenophobic fascism is not helping. I know all the issues in the US, but it’s different, I am from there and always will be, whereas I am actively choosing to live in France and contribute to its economy.
Just feeling like the jig is up and I did what I had to do, and now I can leave. This is just venting, don’t know if anyone here can relate, if this is a bump in the road or a red alert.
I lived in Paris for 9 years, moved back to Australia and I regretted it. It also meant I lost my visa and I don’t have the mental capacity to go through all of that again.
So now I do 6 months Australia, 6 months Paris. And while I’m in Paris, I hate it and want to go back to Australia… and when I’m in Australia I hate it, and want to go back to Paris.
I feel like I’m never satisfied. I hate Paris for all the reasons you gave. But Australia is so boring in comparison, and I miss that passion and energy. Anyway, my post is pointless, sorry 😅 I’m stuck between two places and I don’t know what the solution is.
what do you do for work if you dont mind me asking :)?
I sell digital products online.
What are the products?
Ppl always want one option to fulfill everything in their lives when majority of times, it can’t. You just need to understand pros and cons and different things offer different benefits. No one thing will ever do that. This kinda hold true for relationships also. Some few are lucky to think their partner fulfills everything but most don’t. It will be same across most parts of your life
I don’t think anybody finds a partner that fulfills everything.
But what I’m stating is ppl knows this but will complain about it on Reddit
Exactly. Decide the 3 things that are most important to you and then live there. There’s no perfect place.
Wise words.
Thanks for being honest and candid. You made me laugh and smile. Hehe. All the best to you. :)
lol. The human condition fully summarized in three paragraph.
Yeah this ironically written in a long series of satirical books by a Frenchman. Its all giving Candide by Voltaire.
Reminds me of the condition of most housecats- when they’re inside they want you to let them out- when they’re outside they want to be let in.
So I’m just a housecat. That answers everything.
Thanks I adore how you describe it
Why not try another city or country? Paris is a shithole.
I’ve tried so many different cities and I’m always drawn back to Paris. It just feels like home to me. But god damn, I hate it sometimes.
I just did New York for a couple months, and it was great, but I can’t afford the same lifestyle I have in Paris. I’m going to try London next for a few months and see if I like it.
Interesting perspective all the same, thanks for sharing :)
Ok but there are other places, right? Have you tried New York? Reykjavik? Montreal? Austen?
Yes, I just got back from a couple months in New York! I’ve been to Reykjavik and Austin, but never Canada.
I’ve tried so many cities and I always miss Paris.
Fair enough !
Honestly Montreal is closer to an US city than to Paris but it’s a happy medium to check out (lived in both and would not move to either even from my very boring city).
Try nz?
It’s too quiet for me. If I find Australia boring, I’m sure it would be worse in NZ.
The only reason I go back to Australia is to see my family and friends. I’m a city person, I need high energy.
I am surprised that Sydney and Melbourne don’t meet that need for you. They are—by all practical measures—top tier global cities.
I grew up in Sydney! But my family lives on the Sunshine Coast. Hence why I’m bored out of my mind.
lol theyre both boring, dead cities in comparison. As much as I love Sydney.
I’m genuinely curious–what specific things in other cities distinguish them from “boring” cities? I’d be interested to understand what things are of interest to people who find Sydney boring.
Move to a new, third place
I’m from Czech and have been living in Canada for about 8-9 years. I’ve actually moved back to Prague twice and then to Canada, just different city… the struggle is real.
BUT I finally figured it out - I have lot of Czech books, map of Prague in my kitchen, lot of small kitchen jars with Czech words and set up Skypes with my Czech friends, bake my own “real” bread, etc. Overall I do prefer my life in Canada without a doubt and I feel lucky to be here, but it’s also nice to remember my roots and be surrounded by the things from Czech that brings me joy.
Yah that’s a hard one because there is so little actual culture In Canada, but the quality of life is probably much better supported from a federal perspective.
We have culture! I don’t get the whole “Canada has no culture” thing. I really don’t. Live somewhere else and you will realize how much you miss “Canadian” things.
I think it’s just a euphemism for not having a long history, which is a bit unfair imo.
#kierkegaard, do it or don’t do it, you will regret both
Curious what you do for work or if you are retired!? :) Similar for me - moved back to sf from Berlin and regretted it - the amount of cultural richness you get for the cost of living is much better in Europe and the crime/no health care/political craziness is insanity here. The US is just not a sane society. And going through all the visa stuff again isn’t an option for me. But when I lived there I always dreamt about coming back because it just didn’t feel like home, and Germans don’t smile very much.
Thats funny because as an American thats how I feel in Europe. Ive lived in 4 major cities and have always watched by back and stressed paying bills. I feel like I’m surviving not living.
I own an online business, so I can work anywhere in the world!
And yes, that’s what I miss when I’m in Australia, the culture!
Can I ask more info about your business ?
The solution is to become a fully-realized expatriate/immigrant, which is to honestly accept that no place will EVER again feel like “home” as we knew it. Accept that we are citizens of the entire globe, culturally flexible AF, and when you have the chance to spend time with other expats/immigrants, that glorious connection and conversation which ensues - THAT is now your home.
I lived abroad for a decade in five different countries. Whenever my brain is like, remember how fun living abroad was? Let’s do that again. I remind it of the paperwork it takes, and suddenly, I don’t want to go abroad anymore. Moving countries every 2 years was truly a practice in masochism.
Wherever you go, there you are.
This sounds like a dream. Would you be willing to share high level of what you do for work/ how you got here? Do you keep a place in both places or rent new each time?
I sell digital products for small businesses. Templates, ebooks, websites, etc.
I usually rent, but I’m looking to buy something now.
Thank you for responding!
This is called diaspora blues:
“So, here you are too foreign for home too foreign for here. Never enough for both.”
Lol I moved from Australia to Portugal and love it, best decision I’ve ever made.
Australia is so slow/asleep imo, this is my 2c.
I don’t like coming back even for Holidays etc, much rather continue exploring Europe.
Yep, I feel dead inside when I’m in Australia. Do you ever visit your family in Australia? That’s the only reason why I come back. Otherwise, I’d just stay in Europe. I feel guilty for being away from my family.
Maybe I’ll do 3 months in Australia from now on… 6 months is just too long.
Yeah, but I’m in the process of moving them all with me to Portugal.
I do miss surfing in warmer water here tho, also the Japanese/Vietnamese style food in Australia is next level compared to Portugal.
you guys are the same way that i am with south america and california, i end up missing the other pair when I leave. I think that you guys should just accept our wacky life because it is something that very few ppl can pull off!! Like Im nearly done with the holidays in california and at this point have gotten ppl telling me im not “present” and honestly i am trying to be as present as possible but im definitely just counting down the seconds to head back. I think good planning and going to both places is a good idea, for example i already know i want to go back for coachella and spend some time in california summer, so im going to plan to come back for 6 weeks or so to help break up my trip. you guys should do the same, i think maybe coming home for 6 months is too long
two words for you: branson, missouri