Hi everyone! I’m an Indian citizen, 27M single living in Sweden for past 3 years. I came here for my master’s and finished it, and I worked for a year in my field before switching to another job recently and I resigned from it. I now have 90 days to look for a new job or move back to India. I am contemplating if I should continue living here in Sweden or move elsewhere/India.
A bit about me:
I am quite introverted and reserved, but I open up when I find something interesting. Computer programming was my interest a few years ago, but ever since I realised that being just a programmer in some company will not really help me in starting my own company. I don’t have any specifics about what kind of company I want to start, but I want to be around people who run their own businesses. Given my current situation, starting a business is not in scope at the moment. Also, I don’t have issues with climate, or Swedish food. Furthermore, I want to get married sometime in the next few years, but do not plan on having any children.
Current concern:
Although Sweden is a great country, I clearly see it is not working out at all(unable to plan a life here). The thing hitting me the hardest is inferiority complex and language. I think these two would be the same no matter where I immigrate to. Although I find Swedish to be a bit easier to learn compared to other EU languages, I would highly prefer communicating in English. Even typing on the Swedish keyboard sometimes gets on my nerves.
I would really like to move to the US, but I see gun violence as a huge issue, which is far beyond my control. UK seems like an option, but given the fact that they are out of EU and the market is probably not so great right now, I am unsure of this option. Also I will have to apply for jobs first to set my foot in the UK. Not sure about Ireland though?
My current options:
- Find another job in Sweden and try hard to integrate into society. Not sure if it’s a good idea in the long run?
- Go back to India and work on something interesting. Friends/family support and Indian food/culture is always beneficial.
- Go to some other country(ex: Netherlands, UK, Ireland etc) and try to integrate.
My biggest concern with living abroad is that no matter how much I change and accept things, I will always be an outsider. I wonder if this feeling will ever go away?
I would greatly appreciate any suggestions on which option I could choose, and thank you for reading the post!
Gun violence is a problem? How do you think we live here?
Man, I’m not gonna lie all the things I see online make me not to go in this country, absolutely horrible reputation but I’ll come because I want to have my own opinion on the subject.
It’s scary to us outside. Like a real fear. American cities especially well known ones, are crime riddled and thats where foreigners travel. Hence the un ease. As some one who did visit NYC. I can vouch its a real issue. And this is back in 2012
People play too many video games, they think every place in the US is Night City
It doesn’t help that media perpetuates the belief. Leftists think every man is a grapist and right wingers believe every street corner is a warzone.
Why did you resign from your job if you planned to stay in Sweden? You should’ve kept it, that way you would’ve kept that door open. Now you have less than 90 days to find a new job so it’s most probable that you will be going back to India because no one will be hiring in November/December.
Hi OP, I am also single, 27 Indian and live in Germany.
What I ave done to feel like I belong here :
- Invest in how I look. Especially the way I dress. I keep myself groomed(most of the time). I really cannot tell you how much it has helped me. People treat me differently when I walk into the stores when I dress better compared to when I do not put effort.
- I let go of things(at least I try really hard to). If I make a friend and they do not invest the same effort as me, I still try to make it work because it matters more to me than to them. To be honest, after some time, if they are really nice people(in most cases they are, they just do not open up easily), they see my efforts and give me a chance and i try to really make something out of it. But there are situations where it has not worked out but I always keep the door open. I do have boundaries but I also know what i want and sometimes I have to sacrifice something. And to be honest, people in India are not so good either. After you are an adult, making friends is harder in India too. People are selfish and only talk to you when they need something and sometimes they are not even polite to you, judge you all the time for not doing or doing something, and get jealous easily. So I try to make peace with what I am getting. Remind myself about the positive aspects of where I am. In addition also the office politics. It is 70% better than Inida, people leave me alone if i do my job and go home. I od not have to say more on this because I think you already know well how Indian office works or how the managers treat people there.
- Trying to learn how to deal with shitty people(letting it go is the best), there are always people, maybe more than less who simply do not want to use it matters more to me than to them. To be honest, after some time, if they are really nice people(in most cases they are, they just do not open up easily), they see my efforts and give me a chance and i try to really make something out of it. But there are situations where it has not worked out so I keep the door open. I do have boundaries but I also know what I want and sometimes I have to sacrifice something.
- Learn language every day. Just immerse into it. There is no other way. I can now speak enough to communicate in my daily life(and an almost professional life, but not quite there yet) but the confidence it gives me is immense. I am nowhere near perfect and still avoid some social gatherings because of it but I am aware of it and try to compensate what I can.
- Trying to learn how to deal with shitty people(letting it go is the best), there are always people , maybe more than less who simply do not get along. These people do not get along irrespective of how you look or what you do. It is like Ross trying to impress Rachel’s Dad. You can be the biggest person in the whole world but all you can do is hold this tiny person in your hand say “Like me tiny person” but apart from that there is nothing you can do. So learn to train your mind. I am leaning into stoicism for this and it has helped me so much, i wish i could tell you haha
- Listening to other people’s stories has made me realize that no one’s life is easy. Sometimes people from the same country do not feel like they belong there. We put so much focus on ourselves that we feel we can sometimes forget to see the world as it is. So I am always trying to to learn more about people I meet and learn something new or how they deal with situations that sometimes i feel no has faced apart from me.
- Therapy. I worked on myself and it really helped me talk with a professional. A few things did not make sense to me at that time but I have seen the value of our sessions after a year now.
Coming to finding love, I am not sure if it is going to happen anytime soon but I am open to it and try not to force myself into it because I know how lonely some days in another country are and also how much pressure(especially as a girl myself)Indian society puts on us. But I do not want a marriage just because I want to be married or in a relationship. I feel it does not matter where I am and if I behave the same way my situation may not change just that my environment would be different. I want a genuine connection and for it, I am willing to wait my whole life. I am trying to be open and hoping it will happen to me.I want to be happy on my own in the worst-case scenario you know. Choose your hard and come to a decision. I know it is not easy but I feel what is easier is to make up my mind about something and endure my decision. At some point, things will happen and it will make sense why certain things worked out the way they did.
It is amazing that you want to open a business on your own. I think it is easier to save more money from Sweden’s salary compared to the Indian level. You can make a rough plan and see where things go. Look into what you need and you are already moving forward and who knows a door might open when you least expect it.
I think you already know well how the Indian office works or how the managers treat people there.
I’m curious about this. What is Indian corporate culture like? High pressure?
Unless you’re actively out committing crime you will likely never see gun violence in the US. You’re probably very rarely going to even see a firearm. Despite what gets said, few people actually have them and those that do are 99% of time wearing it concealed. Even in Texas.
You are a programmer, you can go pretty much anywhere. I’d suggest Netherlands - at least the big cities are way more international than Sweden so integrating should be easier, salaries are amazing, infrastructure is idyllic.
If you don’t want to learn another language…
I would suggest you go to the US (if you can), that’s where you have the greatest “upside” and look at statistics for gun violence in the big cities(it’s not that bad there)…
Good luck!
Thanks! I will keep this in mind :)
Do people want forgot that trump promised to send immigrants back home?
Looking at many European countries, should not cast stones in glass houses. Especially Sweden.
Hello! i am 27M from South Asia, studied and now working for more than a year in Sweden.
I was fortunate to get into one of their most ‘international’ company so language in work is not an issue however i completely understand why it can be in social life.
For me, I am very introverted with casual friendship and can only do activity based (lets say sports or movies) hangouts. So Sweden has been very cool for me as I dont seek out warmth and friendship outside.
Although I am fine working and contributing in Sweden for now, I am definitely not tied down here and nor you should feel the same way. I am planning to get some good experience in me and then try to move.
When its time I may consider moving to UK/USA or Canada. I think there is enough discussions about the pros/cons of these countries but my POV is only from getting good jobs- UK will be easier to transit to being in Europe as the companies there will find it easy to recognize skills and degrees from Sweden. Canada can be a direct route of immigration with PR from day 1 through their generous skilled migrant program. USA on the other hand will be super tough for an early professional like us in my head. Reason is they have abundance of supply of internal graduates who work for upto 3 years without having a sponsored work permit. It also allows companies to judge the new grads before investing in them with H1B visa. I believe it will be a bit harder to get a direct access to USA job market ad of now. But definitely few years down the road I will be open to try it.
Thanks for the suggestion! I will keep this in mind.
Yes
Australia, good option too, quite diverse.
Don’t go to the UK. I lived there last year and post-Brexit, it was really fun down and expensive. I was shocked at how much London was nothing like I had imagined. Truly the worst place I’ve ever lived, although I love the Brits.
This guys doesnt CTO. Being a programmer in a company could as well be a good step up to learn explore and gather experience. Def in startups. And one they you might venture into you own campany or start with co-founder as a CTO
Come to the US. The US has issues, but it’s among the most friendly, innovative, diverse, stupid, lovely, challenging, beautiful and everything in between.
Meaning, what you seek is in the US somewhere… I guarantee it. You just have to find it. A lot of people mentioning NYC-type cities, but don’t discount other cities too. You can be a bigger fish in a smaller pond if you find the right fit.
Places like Philly, northern Virginia, Chicago, and many west coast cities have large Asian/Indian communities that could provide you with familiarity. Certainly not everyone is blonde/tall in most of those communities or even close to it. The US has tons of diversity and you can find your pocket. It sounds like you’re talented, and that’s exactly what US businesses look for
OP: if you’re finding Swedish easier to learn, but you’re not learning it, then you have no shot in another EU country unless you look at Ireland. Not only that, how are you not having an easy time in Sweden on English?
You’re talking about going to another country and trying to integrate, but you’re already in one European country and not learning the language there. Integration means leaning the language.
The other issue that’s becoming very conspicuous are Indians flooding into Europe, but as skilled, educated workers. The problem is they’re all moving to one neighborhood, then spilling over into the next ones and they refuse to mix with the countrypeople and refuse to learn the language. This is causing friction in Germany, Austria, Switzerland, NL, and other countries, despite these people being educated.
The only reason being way too many Indians have gone to the US. It was my dream too, but I dropped realising I will not get a chance at the GC, and will spend many years if not decades in the queue. Hence I decided to give EU a shot. I guess other Indians also had the same in mind and hence moved to EU.
I would say a move to the UK would be your best bet. Still in a similar region (but English speaking), you’ll have more access to the start up/entrepreneur scene and it’s so cosmopolitan. Being Indian as well you may have a more favourable visa situation with the UK than some other countries too.