Hi everyone! I’m an Indian citizen, 27M single living in Sweden for past 3 years. I came here for my master’s and finished it, and I worked for a year in my field before switching to another job recently and I resigned from it. I now have 90 days to look for a new job or move back to India. I am contemplating if I should continue living here in Sweden or move elsewhere/India.

A bit about me:
I am quite introverted and reserved, but I open up when I find something interesting. Computer programming was my interest a few years ago, but ever since I realised that being just a programmer in some company will not really help me in starting my own company. I don’t have any specifics about what kind of company I want to start, but I want to be around people who run their own businesses. Given my current situation, starting a business is not in scope at the moment. Also, I don’t have issues with climate, or Swedish food. Furthermore, I want to get married sometime in the next few years, but do not plan on having any children.

Current concern:
Although Sweden is a great country, I clearly see it is not working out at all(unable to plan a life here). The thing hitting me the hardest is inferiority complex and language. I think these two would be the same no matter where I immigrate to. Although I find Swedish to be a bit easier to learn compared to other EU languages, I would highly prefer communicating in English. Even typing on the Swedish keyboard sometimes gets on my nerves.

I would really like to move to the US, but I see gun violence as a huge issue, which is far beyond my control. UK seems like an option, but given the fact that they are out of EU and the market is probably not so great right now, I am unsure of this option. Also I will have to apply for jobs first to set my foot in the UK. Not sure about Ireland though?

My current options:

  1. Find another job in Sweden and try hard to integrate into society. Not sure if it’s a good idea in the long run?
  2. Go back to India and work on something interesting. Friends/family support and Indian food/culture is always beneficial.
  3. Go to some other country(ex: Netherlands, UK, Ireland etc) and try to integrate.

My biggest concern with living abroad is that no matter how much I change and accept things, I will always be an outsider. I wonder if this feeling will ever go away?

I would greatly appreciate any suggestions on which option I could choose, and thank you for reading the post!

  • spany14@alien.topB
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    1 year ago

    Hi OP, I am also single, 27 Indian and live in Germany.

    What I ave done to feel like I belong here :

    1. Invest in how I look. Especially the way I dress. I keep myself groomed(most of the time). I really cannot tell you how much it has helped me. People treat me differently when I walk into the stores when I dress better compared to when I do not put effort.
    2. I let go of things(at least I try really hard to). If I make a friend and they do not invest the same effort as me, I still try to make it work because it matters more to me than to them. To be honest, after some time, if they are really nice people(in most cases they are, they just do not open up easily), they see my efforts and give me a chance and i try to really make something out of it. But there are situations where it has not worked out but I always keep the door open. I do have boundaries but I also know what i want and sometimes I have to sacrifice something. And to be honest, people in India are not so good either. After you are an adult, making friends is harder in India too. People are selfish and only talk to you when they need something and sometimes they are not even polite to you, judge you all the time for not doing or doing something, and get jealous easily. So I try to make peace with what I am getting. Remind myself about the positive aspects of where I am. In addition also the office politics. It is 70% better than Inida, people leave me alone if i do my job and go home. I od not have to say more on this because I think you already know well how Indian office works or how the managers treat people there.
    3. Trying to learn how to deal with shitty people(letting it go is the best), there are always people, maybe more than less who simply do not want to use it matters more to me than to them. To be honest, after some time, if they are really nice people(in most cases they are, they just do not open up easily), they see my efforts and give me a chance and i try to really make something out of it. But there are situations where it has not worked out so I keep the door open. I do have boundaries but I also know what I want and sometimes I have to sacrifice something.
    4. Learn language every day. Just immerse into it. There is no other way. I can now speak enough to communicate in my daily life(and an almost professional life, but not quite there yet) but the confidence it gives me is immense. I am nowhere near perfect and still avoid some social gatherings because of it but I am aware of it and try to compensate what I can.
    5. Trying to learn how to deal with shitty people(letting it go is the best), there are always people , maybe more than less who simply do not get along. These people do not get along irrespective of how you look or what you do. It is like Ross trying to impress Rachel’s Dad. You can be the biggest person in the whole world but all you can do is hold this tiny person in your hand say “Like me tiny person” but apart from that there is nothing you can do. So learn to train your mind. I am leaning into stoicism for this and it has helped me so much, i wish i could tell you haha
    6. Listening to other people’s stories has made me realize that no one’s life is easy. Sometimes people from the same country do not feel like they belong there. We put so much focus on ourselves that we feel we can sometimes forget to see the world as it is. So I am always trying to to learn more about people I meet and learn something new or how they deal with situations that sometimes i feel no has faced apart from me.
    7. Therapy. I worked on myself and it really helped me talk with a professional. A few things did not make sense to me at that time but I have seen the value of our sessions after a year now.

    Coming to finding love, I am not sure if it is going to happen anytime soon but I am open to it and try not to force myself into it because I know how lonely some days in another country are and also how much pressure(especially as a girl myself)Indian society puts on us. But I do not want a marriage just because I want to be married or in a relationship. I feel it does not matter where I am and if I behave the same way my situation may not change just that my environment would be different. I want a genuine connection and for it, I am willing to wait my whole life. I am trying to be open and hoping it will happen to me.I want to be happy on my own in the worst-case scenario you know. Choose your hard and come to a decision. I know it is not easy but I feel what is easier is to make up my mind about something and endure my decision. At some point, things will happen and it will make sense why certain things worked out the way they did.

    It is amazing that you want to open a business on your own. I think it is easier to save more money from Sweden’s salary compared to the Indian level. You can make a rough plan and see where things go. Look into what you need and you are already moving forward and who knows a door might open when you least expect it.

    • mrbootsandbertie@alien.topB
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      1 year ago

      I think you already know well how the Indian office works or how the managers treat people there.

      I’m curious about this. What is Indian corporate culture like? High pressure?