French national, who was born abroad has the same feeling. They don’t fit in the metropole life and usually, they hate other Frenchs. Why? France, for them, is a symbol and image. When they arrive in everyday life, they are upset, this France doesn’t belong to the ideal one, they have cherished in their mind since childhood. It is not the same to be an expat then to be a member of the majority. So many, immigrate to Québec. For example, the Pieds noirs, the French Algerian-born, never fitted in mainland France, were always nostalgic for the sunny days at the sea and were stigmatized by the French. Robert Castel, Algerian-born jew, jokes about it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j5-ZO2taxIY&ab_channel=InaChansons

In Paris, the social structure can be very oppressive, and the social status is more fixed. An old Canadian professor from Québec city, who did his Ph.D. in Lyon, explained to me, how often French ask him: if you are a teacher, so your parents were too. His father was a truck driver! The French need to put you in the right place on the social ladder. A friend, who did his PH.D. field in Japan, told me how it was difficult for the Japanese to classify him. Yes, there are 8 ? levels - in fact pronouns for politeness-, because they can’t rank the prestige of the unknown Université de Montréal.

It seems like a Greek tragedy. On the other hand, it can be an oedipal complex non-resolute. My sister had a problem like yours. When her in-law mother was dying of liver cancer, her husband slept in the hospital for a while and left her with three kids at home. She was upset, and after he was in therapy for months. As a Westerner, I will choose the life to be, but personally, I would prefer to be married to a wife, who say: ‘‘Go and take of your mother, I will manage’’