I’ve lived in paris for 5/6 years, I was fluent when I arrived (years of international school) and my mom had already been living here for several years. Still, it was a big culture shock and adjustment and absolutely levelled up my French to the point where now French people usually assume I am from here.
The problem is even with all that, I just don’t feel at home. Some cultural differences feel insurmountable, the blasé and critical attitude is difficult for me, I’ve always been very high energy and jokey and have a hard time finding people in everyday life who match that energy. Whenever I go back to the states I feel so fulfilled and like myself and it really makes me question why I’m here. I have a very cool job in the non-profit sector, so not super well-paid, and a very stable loving relationship, my apartment, my mom… there’s still something where I feel like I’ll never fully be accepted here. I feel like my American-ness immediately puts me down in peoples’ eyes, I feel like I will never write perfectly or totally grasp codes and it will always take me a slight extra effort to understand things that are easy for people here. I don’t get cultural references and I don’t know the clichés of every tiny town and region.
I’m from New York so I liked living here because I felt that Paris was such a better cost of living/quality of life ratio, and I love the work-life balance and accessibility of culture. However, what use are my 5 weeks of vacation if I spend half of them going back home? And probably, I always will, because my missing home will never go away, my friends and family there will keep getting married or getting sick or just being there ?
And France’s descent into xenophobic fascism is not helping. I know all the issues in the US, but it’s different, I am from there and always will be, whereas I am actively choosing to live in France and contribute to its economy.
Just feeling like the jig is up and I did what I had to do, and now I can leave. This is just venting, don’t know if anyone here can relate, if this is a bump in the road or a red alert.
French national, who was born abroad has the same feeling. They don’t fit in the metropole life and usually, they hate other Frenchs. Why? France, for them, is a symbol and image. When they arrive in everyday life, they are upset, this France doesn’t belong to the ideal one, they have cherished in their mind since childhood. It is not the same to be an expat then to be a member of the majority. So many, immigrate to Québec. For example, the Pieds noirs, the French Algerian-born, never fitted in mainland France, were always nostalgic for the sunny days at the sea and were stigmatized by the French. Robert Castel, Algerian-born jew, jokes about it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j5-ZO2taxIY&ab_channel=InaChansons
In Paris, the social structure can be very oppressive, and the social status is more fixed. An old Canadian professor from Québec city, who did his Ph.D. in Lyon, explained to me, how often French ask him: if you are a teacher, so your parents were too. His father was a truck driver! The French need to put you in the right place on the social ladder. A friend, who did his PH.D. field in Japan, told me how it was difficult for the Japanese to classify him. Yes, there are 8 ? levels - in fact pronouns for politeness-, because they can’t rank the prestige of the unknown Université de Montréal.