We both did our graduate studies in Europe, got jobs here and got married 2 years ago. Now I am 5 months pregnant. He got a very unfortunate call a week ago about his mother’s stage 4 breast cancer diagnosis. We’re all heartbroken and figuring out a way to manage this along with the treatments and therapies. He is an only child and he wants to move back to our home country now. I understand his decision for wanting to be with them as I would want the same. But I am not allowed to fly due to risky in my pregnancy. Although I have friends here, none of them close enough to care for me full time. I have already started working reduced hours and get reduced pay. He cannot work from his home country. He needs to quit his job here and move back and find something there. We are still figuring out visa complications in this matter. I do not think I can balance the household with only my income. Moreover, I am scared he’ll miss the birth of our child. We’re trying to get my mother here on Visa but the easiest being the tourist visa route still take months to come. I cannot show the financial means for getting her here on other Visa. my mother cannot speak the language here and I’m afraid will not be able to good emergency contact for all my pregnancy related concerns.
With all these in my mind, I am really skeptical about his decision to go back to our home country to be with his parents. He is calling be selfish for this and not caring about the family. Even after child birth, I am not sure how we will manage this situation.
Do you have any suggestion how how do we go about this?
Edit: we are both from SE Asia, currently living in Europe. It is normal in our culture that kids take care of their parents in their old age.
Additional info from a comment reply: I also have an emergency fund that I opened for my mother since she is a single parent and doesn’t qualify for any health insurance after certain limit. Her only source of income is the money I send from here. My husband is suggesting we take the money from there as well. Although I do not have a problem using that money on the time crunch, I hope he would establish an account again for her within one year since my mother’s health condition has not been the best since a long time. But I understand the cost of treatments for his mother will be high now and I’m afraid if I will sound insensitive if I bring it up now.
It seems like a Greek tragedy. On the other hand, it can be an oedipal complex non-resolute. My sister had a problem like yours. When her in-law mother was dying of liver cancer, her husband slept in the hospital for a while and left her with three kids at home. She was upset, and after he was in therapy for months. As a Westerner, I will choose the life to be, but personally, I would prefer to be married to a wife, who say: ‘‘Go and take of your mother, I will manage’’