I’m just a bit heartbroken and could do with some support.

My partner and I met in a country that we both are not from (I’ve been here for most of my life, but it is notoriously difficult to get permanent residency here so I am on a work visa). We’ve been dating for a year and he’s everything I’ve wanted, and more.

We’ve had a couple of difficult conversations over the last few days and have realised that there’s no way to make this relationship work. I want to move to a country that he has no interest in going to, and vice versa.

I don’t know how to deal with the pain of knowing that this was the right person, just the wrong time. On top of that, is this my fate as an expat? Should I only date once I know where I want to “settle down”, so to speak?

  • la_mukka@alien.topBEnglish
    1·
    1 year ago

    This is 100% true. I have met my (now) husband while both of us were living and working in a country that wasn’t our own. After this, I have moved to one country and he was transferred to a different one, which has left us in a distant relationship pretty early on - mind you, none of us was looking for a relationship, let alone all the extra work that distance entails. We decided to give it a go, nonetheless, because we were happy with one another, and we spent a few months separated but he managed to transfer to where I was. Shortly after we moved in together, and we kept on moving from one country to the other (in fact, we’re planning to move again). Curiously enough, we’ve lived together in my country and in his and those were the two countries we felt the worst at…lol We always decide our next steps together and we prioritise what is best for both of us because we love and care for eachother, and that is what makes it work. When a country is not good for one of us, it is not good for both of us, and there are hundreds of countries/regions we can continue to explore until we die - remember, nothing is set in stone.

    At the same time, I do believe that it is much better to realise what you just realised, now, than in the long run, after uprooting your life (or both your lives), which would have taken a much heavier toll.