I’m just a bit heartbroken and could do with some support.
My partner and I met in a country that we both are not from (I’ve been here for most of my life, but it is notoriously difficult to get permanent residency here so I am on a work visa). We’ve been dating for a year and he’s everything I’ve wanted, and more.
We’ve had a couple of difficult conversations over the last few days and have realised that there’s no way to make this relationship work. I want to move to a country that he has no interest in going to, and vice versa.
I don’t know how to deal with the pain of knowing that this was the right person, just the wrong time. On top of that, is this my fate as an expat? Should I only date once I know where I want to “settle down”, so to speak?
Dating while living abroad is very weird when you’re not settled.
I met a lot of people who met in a third country different from each other. Some it works (Americans and Canadians flipping between the two), while some it’s mo e difficult (Brazilian and German friends LIKE Korea, but don’t love it, and don’t care too much for each other’s home county).
I dated two fellow American girls and they both almost immediately wanted to make plans to go back to America… I was bouncing between countries and never in one place longer than a few months doing work I loved that I can’t just pop back to America and do immediately. Plus I was having the time of my life.
I learned it’s important to have that conversation if you want a serious relationship, early, and not to just assume it’ll all work out, or you’ll fix it one day when the time comes. This post is proof that time can indeed become for nothing.
I’m a guy so a bit less pressure from family and hormones, but I was once all about finding a good partner and settling somewhere. Seeing my own struggles and those of others, I decided to casually date with no intention or pressure for longevity.
Those were the best relationships, and oddly caught feelings for more than one (NO this wasn’t multiple women at once. Over a span of time, if feelings got too much we’d end things, which always happened). I learned a lot about myself and that I probably am not marriage material, although I can appear as such to some people.
Saying that to say, who knows that OP’s guy has been thinking internally. When it comes to thinking of planting down, thoughts of what you’re giving up is natural. Maybe he thought of his friends way too much, without thinking they can visit each other and make those now more rare occasions big ordeals. When I used to fly home, my friends went all out with catchup parties. I eventually moved back and hardly see them even though we live within an hour. He may just realize that choosing his friends was a mistake and it’s too late.
Tiny respectful devils advocate time though, the relationship, all things considered, may not have been what he saw being a permanent thing. We only have one POV. Doesn’t have to mean OP is the problem or anything, just don’t know what he’s thinking (maybe family but doesn’t want to admit he’ll miss mom and dad. It happens!)