Dating while living abroad is very weird when you’re not settled.

I met a lot of people who met in a third country different from each other. Some it works (Americans and Canadians flipping between the two), while some it’s mo e difficult (Brazilian and German friends LIKE Korea, but don’t love it, and don’t care too much for each other’s home county).

I dated two fellow American girls and they both almost immediately wanted to make plans to go back to America… I was bouncing between countries and never in one place longer than a few months doing work I loved that I can’t just pop back to America and do immediately. Plus I was having the time of my life.

I learned it’s important to have that conversation if you want a serious relationship, early, and not to just assume it’ll all work out, or you’ll fix it one day when the time comes. This post is proof that time can indeed become for nothing.

I’m a guy so a bit less pressure from family and hormones, but I was once all about finding a good partner and settling somewhere. Seeing my own struggles and those of others, I decided to casually date with no intention or pressure for longevity.

Those were the best relationships, and oddly caught feelings for more than one (NO this wasn’t multiple women at once. Over a span of time, if feelings got too much we’d end things, which always happened). I learned a lot about myself and that I probably am not marriage material, although I can appear as such to some people.

Saying that to say, who knows that OP’s guy has been thinking internally. When it comes to thinking of planting down, thoughts of what you’re giving up is natural. Maybe he thought of his friends way too much, without thinking they can visit each other and make those now more rare occasions big ordeals. When I used to fly home, my friends went all out with catchup parties. I eventually moved back and hardly see them even though we live within an hour. He may just realize that choosing his friends was a mistake and it’s too late.

Tiny respectful devils advocate time though, the relationship, all things considered, may not have been what he saw being a permanent thing. We only have one POV. Doesn’t have to mean OP is the problem or anything, just don’t know what he’s thinking (maybe family but doesn’t want to admit he’ll miss mom and dad. It happens!)

My fear of this happening to me is why I’ve moved to start my own thing and get abroad that way.

The interview process showed me companies weren’t as stable as their hiring process appeared…

So sorry this has happened, but hopefully the fact you’re already there and have shown your hard work to get there, is something another company can (quickly) recognize and bring you on for.

Try expat groups in different countries and share your story and ask if anyone has work connections in your field. Facebook, while taken over by boomers, is still useful for this.

Hope it’s just a roadbump and nothing more!

How I felt about my fellow Americans when I was living and working in Asia.

As a Product Designer that has now given up to be an entrepreneur to get myself abroad, I had a LOT of interviews with companies in Germany, the Netherlands, Belgium, Sweden, and Denmark.

I am a black guy in my early 40s, but everyone thinks I am in my late 20s or early 30s. So I don’t think age discrimination is hitting me yet.

Statistically, if women are involved I go far, and this even goes back to my first jobs in California, and my whole career in Japan. Once a man is involved, again statistically, I know my interview run is done. Like clockwork.

Being on topic, I guess on paper I look good with experience and accomplishments, but once there is a video interview, and a guy is interviewing me, I can see it in their face when my camera comes on, the change. One was so brutally obvious, it hurt, and it was a small company in Sweden doing an education app, and I also worked on an app as a lead that was released in most of Asia with a massive brand. After having such good interviews and communication leading up to that, post interview it was like we never talked, and their site and app used almost all of the points I brought up during my presentation… 6 interviews for naught.

I have been in the hiring process or adjacent to it, and have seen and heard massive discrimination by people in charge who absolutely shouldn’t have say. It isn’t always race based, but sometimes it is. Sometimes it is literally down to a hobby the person doesn’t like that the person has that doesn’t affect the job in any way.