Long story short, I got ridiculously homesick over the past 3 years and decided it was time to go and visit family. It literally wasn’t financially possible to go with my wife, but everyone seems to be commenting on the fact that I came alone?
It’s like ‘it’s great to see you, but it would have been nice to see you with your wife’ and ‘isn’t your wife sad that you came without her?’
The way me and my wife saw it was that all of my friends and family are in this country, whereas hers are in the place we decided to live in. If we don’t have much money, then it’s better I go solo as it’s important to make sure I’m not the one suffering with homesickness, because my time is limited with friends and family whereas she can see hers any time.
Anyone else here experienced the same type of judgement/opinions from others who seem to say stuff that makes you feel guilty for going alone? Was it actually selfish of me? I’m getting all these passing comments from people on both sides and it makes me feel that I’m being bitched about a bit
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I did this twice. It was cheaper and I got to spend some time with my parents without having to worry whether he is entertained or not. I continued to work online during the visit so I wouldn’t waste vacation days.
In the 5 years I’ve been with my girlfriend I’ve yet to go with her to see her family in Italy… And she rarely comes with me to see mine in England. Partly because me and her family can’t communicate, but mainly because, she needs to see her family and I need to see mine, it’s really that simple and never been an issue for us.
The only two people whose opinion counts are you and your wife.
I had to go back twice last year solo, both for funerals unfortunately. The first time I brought my youngest who was 4 months, the second time I went alone. I got a lot of those comments as well but it wasn’t financially feasible, or even with annual leave, for the whole family to go.
If that is what works for your family, then that is perfect for you.
Turn this into a positive for everyone. Make short videos of your friends and family saying hello to your wife and introducing themselves if they have not met yet. It will be fun for them and fun for your wife to watch. Later you can send them back a short video of you and your wife from home returning the greetings. These people just want a closer connection to your and tour lived ones. Win win
When I lived overseas with my ex, his company sent me home to see my parents every six months while he stayed there and worked. Not the same, but they were my parents, so I didn’t mind going alone. A few people commented about it, but it never seemed malicious.
I go “home” by myself once a year, sometimes twice. He doesn’t speak my native language, it’s easier for me to take time off work than for him, and we like to save his holiday time to go to new places together. Works out perfectly, even if I do usually start missing him before the first day has passed.
I think objectively traveling without your partner is seen as the less optimal way to travel. Regardless of the reason, it does seem like you’re getting an opportunity that she isn’t getting to enjoy.
People will definitely perceive that. Instead of taking it personally, you should double down on how amazing your wife is for being so understanding. She is pretty amazing, most people would definitely be dissapointed to be left behind.
Change your mindset into one that’s grateful, rather than being defensive.
I go about every other time to my home country by myself and the other time my husband comes with me.
my husband went to a wedding on his own, I’ll let you imagine the comments 😂 people are just not used to healthy couples that can spend few days apart without drama…
Tell me about it! My bf’s family went on this religious adventure and i opted out of it and they all thought we broke up. Like he had to face time me in-front of them to prove we were fine. Im just not religious and didnt think that the trip is something that would interest me 😅.
No
That’s kinda fucked up you left her behind 😂 Just don’t go next time or take a trip together somewhere you can afford. Or break up 🤷♂️
Not selfish but they probably are either just being polite and it’s their way of asking about her or they were curious to meet the person you chose to spend your life with.
Perfectly normal question…
Let everyone else comment, whatever works for you and your wife is none of their business. I’ve gone back home twice since we moved abroad and my husband hasn’t come with me for multiple reasons. Enjoy your time with your family and friends and let the comments slide off.
My husband goes home once a year on his own. I think his family and friends probably appreciate as I don’t speak Swiss German and I would not want to stay at his parents’ home. Also it’s more economical.