I’ve lived in paris for 5/6 years, I was fluent when I arrived (years of international school) and my mom had already been living here for several years. Still, it was a big culture shock and adjustment and absolutely levelled up my French to the point where now French people usually assume I am from here.
The problem is even with all that, I just don’t feel at home. Some cultural differences feel insurmountable, the blasé and critical attitude is difficult for me, I’ve always been very high energy and jokey and have a hard time finding people in everyday life who match that energy. Whenever I go back to the states I feel so fulfilled and like myself and it really makes me question why I’m here. I have a very cool job in the non-profit sector, so not super well-paid, and a very stable loving relationship, my apartment, my mom… there’s still something where I feel like I’ll never fully be accepted here. I feel like my American-ness immediately puts me down in peoples’ eyes, I feel like I will never write perfectly or totally grasp codes and it will always take me a slight extra effort to understand things that are easy for people here. I don’t get cultural references and I don’t know the clichés of every tiny town and region.
I’m from New York so I liked living here because I felt that Paris was such a better cost of living/quality of life ratio, and I love the work-life balance and accessibility of culture. However, what use are my 5 weeks of vacation if I spend half of them going back home? And probably, I always will, because my missing home will never go away, my friends and family there will keep getting married or getting sick or just being there ?
And France’s descent into xenophobic fascism is not helping. I know all the issues in the US, but it’s different, I am from there and always will be, whereas I am actively choosing to live in France and contribute to its economy.
Just feeling like the jig is up and I did what I had to do, and now I can leave. This is just venting, don’t know if anyone here can relate, if this is a bump in the road or a red alert.
Haha loved your cheeky wife comment!
I’m from a poor but lively country in Asia and went to uni in Paris. I’d never been more depressed in my life than in those three years. You’re absolutely right, it’s probably one of if not the most beautiful city to visit but living there is a whole other beast, especially if one is used to loud, vibrant, tactile cultures. If I were ever to move back to Europe, Portugal/Spain would be my only choices.
I’m thinking of a tiktok I saw a while ago (@itsminikay) of a tour guide in Paris who is originally from India. She made a post (4/29) about how she’d been assigned a group of midwesterners from the US and was struck by how lively and sunny her interactions were with them. She was nearly giddy with happiness about how pleasant the small talk had been with them.
In a follow-up post, she explained that she hadn’t realized how much of her natural personality and small talk skills that were part of her everyday life in India had been dimmed and suppressed after six years of living in Paris. Simply because Northern Europeans are more restrained in their casual interpersonal interactions.
Same! My Paris years were HEAVY. Between the weather and the people I’d never been so mentally and emotionally challenged by a place in my life. You hit the nail on the head - living there is indeed a whole other beast than visiting in blissful ignorance.