Same! My Paris years were HEAVY. Between the weather and the people I’d never been so mentally and emotionally challenged by a place in my life. You hit the nail on the head - living there is indeed a whole other beast than visiting in blissful ignorance.

Can’t vouch for all of Spain but Barcelona and Valencia, where I lived, were terrific cities. Old world but progressive at the same time. Vibrant, excellent food, friendly locals, plenty to do culturally, overall great vibes.

Originally from LA. I lived in Paris for 4 years (French husband) and could not get out fast enough for all of the reasons you stated. I’d already lived in multiple other European countries by the time I moved there, but nothing could prepare me for the utter lack of joie de vivre. I was too sunny and social for Paris. Fortunately I came alive again once we moved to Spain.

Now I love visiting in short bursts - France is beautiful and Paris is world-class, after all - but when my husband suggests we raise our kids there, I tell him he might need to find a different wife first.

Follow your heart OP. If you’re not into living in France, it will always be there for long, luxurious visits.