No matter what your criticisms of the US may be, it’s indisputable that there are a lot of places in the world that are objectively far worse.
That said, “If someone is unhappy in the US, they should just leave” is a bad attitude to have IMHO. If someone is unhappy in the US, they should figure out why they’re unhappy and advocate for positive change. Don’t run away from the problem, be part of the solution. “Take it or leave it” is not what a democracy is supposed to be about.
Google Voice is probably the cheapest option, as that’s a one-time cost without a monthly fee attached. Not sure why you’d rather avoid that. You can also move your number to a prepaid or postpaid account in the US; some of those plans can be pretty cheap. But make sure you don’t lose it due to inactivity.
Foreign cellphone companies can’t help you here. Your UK phone number will start with +44.
There’s nothing wrong with public transit as an option, I just value car culture. For that matter, I used to be a bus driver.
But buses and cars use much the same infrastructure, and contrary to the popular dichotomy of thinking you have to choose one over the other, it’s actually possible to have both. (On a more general note, I wish society could get off the “if you’re not with us, you’re against us” train and focus more on coexistence, collaboration and compromise. But that’s a bigger can of worms.)
I think moving to “get away” from negatives tends not to work out too well. You’ll find there are negatives wherever you move to as well. They may be different negatives, but they’re there. Like the example you mentioned in NL, the housing crisis.
Or let’s take your example with car dependency. Sure, you can live in the Netherlands without a car. But will you really not miss that car when you want to go somewhere at 9PM and the bus isn’t running? Or won’t be running when you’re ready to head back?
I can understand feeling dismayed at Texas politics and machismo, but political earthquakes happen elsewhere, too. In the Netherlands, Geert Wilders just won an election. If you don’t like populism in the United States, odds are you won’t like Dutch populism either – especially since, on top of the risk of racism, you’ll now experience being the buitenlander – the foreigner.
I think you’ll have a much better experience if you focus on positives. Are you up for an adventure? Do you want to experience a different culture? Do you want to learn Dutch? Or another language, if you pick somewhere else in the EU? After all, there’s a lot of countries to choose from. I recommend that you focus on what you want to accomplish, not on what you want to escape from.
Also, like another poster suggested…go visit first. Preferably an extended visit. Perhaps four to six weeks, or even more, depending on how flexible your current employer is with vacation time/personal leave. But whatever destination you pick, while visiting will never be the same as living there, at least experience it as a visitor before making a decision.
I certainly don’t feel overwhelming sadness. Some homesickness from time to time, although when I’m back in Norway to visit, I also feel that for Florida. Some wistfulness, perhaps. But nothing on the magnitude of what you’re describing.
I will say that the homesickness was much stronger my first year in the US. I was 17 years old, living with an American host family, and other than a stay in a children’s hospital as a kid, it was my first time being away from my parents for an extended period. There were times then that I felt really homesick, and I called my mom in particular incessantly. Pretty much daily. On the other hand, that was also balanced by new experiences and the adventure of getting to know a new country.
Keep in mind, also, that when you leave, it’s not goodbye forever. You will visit again. And over time, visits will become more routine and the emotions attached will quiet down a bit.
I moved from Norway to the United States. A move which is already controversial in this sub.
I’ve lived in the United States for 22 years in total, and for the past 11 years continuously. Life here has its ups and downs, just like everywhere else, but I love my community and I can definitely say that am happy here. I wouldn’t be here otherwise.
It’s normal to be nervous about moving abroad. Adjusting to such a major life change takes time, and “finding your tribe” as you put it is not guaranteed. But remember, a decision to move abroad is not irreversible. If it doesn’t work out, your home country will still be there. And by moving with your husband, you’ll effectively instantly have access to a network of friends – namely his.
Also, keep in mind that many people come to this sub for help and support when they’re struggling. That’s not necessarily representative of everyone’s experience.
Unpopular opinion, perhaps, but I view the car culture as a pro. I can go wherever I want, whenever I want. Parking is basically never a problem except in places like NYC, and even there it’s available, you just pay through the nose for it. You can spend a lifetime road tripping in the US and there will still be more to see.
In terms of personal freedom, few things have had as much of an impact on my life as getting my driver license.
You’re not going to get UK citizenship from that relationship, but you may be able to qualify for a family visa as the child of a UK citizen. However, not being legally adopted is likely an obstacle.
Anywhere you go, people will stereotype you until they know you better. This is not a mean-spirited thing. It’s basic human nature.
When you meet a person, they’re a blank slate as far as you’re concerned. You know nothing about them. It’s human nature to try to fill in the blanks with the things you can figure out. A few things are immediately apparent, like age and gender. Accents tend to give nationalities away; within a country, they could point you to a region or a socioeconomic class.
If I meet someone abroad and they sound British when they start speaking, I will probably assume they are British. I might share some of my experiences from my trips to the UK. If I hear a German accent, I might make a joke about Lederhosen. If it’s Austrian German, then we have something in common because I used to live in Austria, so I’ll bring that experience up. And the moment I tell someone I’m from Norway, I get asked about the northern lights and what winters are like and how much I like Erling Haaland or Magnus Carlsen.
So too with what you’re experiencing. If you sound American, you will be stereotyped as American. As the other person gets to know you better, aspects of your personality will override the stereotype where applicable, but that doesn’t happen immediately. They’ll need to get to know you.
As for why you are perceived as foreign in the US: It sounds like you’ve made being “not American” a core part of your identity. Perhaps it’s working?
I don’t see where OP claimed any such thing. He was requesting opinions and experiences from people, not asserting that they need his/her approval.
I mean, I first moved to the US as a high school exchange student because I found my teenage existence in small-town Norway to be, frankly, a bit boring. It’s not that there weren’t things to do, it’s just that a lot of it was organized and at fixed (sports, music lessons and such) or things that didn’t interest me (partying, getting drunk, doing drugs.) If you wanted to do things that weren’t “normal”, you’d probably be doing them alone. I was a computer geek, but we had no computer clubs or similar. Perhaps I could’ve tried to start one. But being a geek wasn’t “cool” back then; in fact, it was something I got bullied for.
One thing I like about the US is that American culture encourages individualism. It encourages you to do your own thing. There’s not the same pressure to fit into an existing mold.
In fact, I’d say that’s a large reason why I live in the US today, not in Norway.
The main benefit of your wife getting US citizenship is that you don’t have to start the immigration paperwork all over if plans change in the future and you decide you want to move back to the US later on.
This is true. It is not possible to “overstay” or otherwise violate immigration restrictions in a country where you’re a citizen, because those rules do not apply to citizens.
That said, this can still cause you trouble. For example, if you enter the country on a foreign passport, your name will typically be entered in a database of visitors and whatever departure date they give you will also be entered in that database. This is incorrect as you’re a citizen, but if you give them a foreign passport, how will they know?
Once that departure date hits and no departure is registered under that name and passport number, it’ll be flagged as an overstay. Which can lead to consequences such as being stopped on departure when you DO try to leave (from a country that has exit controls) or having to manually correct the database if they encounter you in some other context (say, traffic sobriety checkpoint, to pick a random example.)
These logistical problems tend to be worse in countries that don’t have a central registry of citizens and/or residents, and avoiding these kinds of scenarios is why it’s best to enter and depart countries of which you’re a citizen on that country’s passport. And why you want to use the same passport on arrival and departure in each country you enter.