Long story short, I was guilt tripped for 3 years into coming home. I think the reason is that I’m from a small family.
Anyways, when I finally caved in and said I’m coming back to stay with family for a while, they complained so much about putting me up and just made me feel as if I was begging. When I told them that I had spent loads of money on plane tickets and even took unpaid leave from work, they told me ‘it’s not all about you’
My mum asked my brother behind my back whether I was giving him any money for the 15 minute lifts he offered to give me in his car, and when I confronted her about it, she said ‘we all have our own lives and problems to deal with’ in a really pissed off tone.
It feels that even after flying to the other side of the world to see them, they want me to go the extra mile rather than just supporting me when I’m on their side. Asking for support seems like an insult to them.
I dunno, it was just a really unpleasant experience and I feel that they’re telling me to come back whilst pushing me away. I feel that although my family say that my move abroad made them depressed, upset etc, they’re unwilling to put in the support to have me here.
I’m happy in my new country and didn’t even really want to go back. I went back for them only, but it’s like they’re expecting me to pay for literally everything and then just complain when I ask one of them to lift a finger to help.
MY QUESTION: Would you go home for a family who ‘misses and loves you’ and ‘felt depressed when you left’ even if you had to pay for basically everything and have barely any support from them? Is it really our responsibility to go home, or should we just continue our lives without looking back?
former expat here… they have no clue about the time, money and effort it takes to travel from where are you live back to the home country. They take it as a given …an expectation. I’m not sure if they’re “getting back at you” by asking for money for lodging or if they really just don’t want you back or they don’t like the change in their routines. I would not give them any money for lodging or transportation and next year. Don’t come home for Christmas. ” oh, I’m not coming this year. It seems like it was bothering you all too much. “ You all have your lives to live and all that.” I don’t need to spend $2000 to bother you. I’m sure I can bother you from here.”
Yeah my sister once gave me the « it was your choice to leave ». Sure but it’s also my choice to keep in touch or not
I’ve been on both sides…. we moved to Germany for three years, and then came back to the US and now my oldest daughter lives in Germany… I never give her a hard time for not visiting Moore and I’m delighted when she comes and try to take care of everything I can for her because I know what it’s like to spend a lot of money and time to travel and people not appreciate that