Long story short, I was guilt tripped for 3 years into coming home. I think the reason is that I’m from a small family.

Anyways, when I finally caved in and said I’m coming back to stay with family for a while, they complained so much about putting me up and just made me feel as if I was begging. When I told them that I had spent loads of money on plane tickets and even took unpaid leave from work, they told me ‘it’s not all about you’

My mum asked my brother behind my back whether I was giving him any money for the 15 minute lifts he offered to give me in his car, and when I confronted her about it, she said ‘we all have our own lives and problems to deal with’ in a really pissed off tone.

It feels that even after flying to the other side of the world to see them, they want me to go the extra mile rather than just supporting me when I’m on their side. Asking for support seems like an insult to them.

I dunno, it was just a really unpleasant experience and I feel that they’re telling me to come back whilst pushing me away. I feel that although my family say that my move abroad made them depressed, upset etc, they’re unwilling to put in the support to have me here.

I’m happy in my new country and didn’t even really want to go back. I went back for them only, but it’s like they’re expecting me to pay for literally everything and then just complain when I ask one of them to lift a finger to help.

MY QUESTION: Would you go home for a family who ‘misses and loves you’ and ‘felt depressed when you left’ even if you had to pay for basically everything and have barely any support from them? Is it really our responsibility to go home, or should we just continue our lives without looking back?

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  • Quiet-Department-X@alien.topBEnglish
    1·
    1 year ago

    You’re dealing with a lot of guilt-tripping here. Your family’s insistence on your return, despite being unprepared or unwilling to provide adequate support or appreciation, suggests a form of emotional manipulation. This disconnect between their words and actions is downright confusing and draining. Also, your family’s dismissive attitude toward your efforts and sacrifices is baffling, indicating a lack of empathy and emotional support.

    By all means, establish and maintain healthy boundaries with your family to protect your emotional and financial well-being. You don’t have to break communication with them completely. Just consider what is most important to you in terms of family obligations, personal happiness, and well-being.