Long story short, I was guilt tripped for 3 years into coming home. I think the reason is that I’m from a small family.
Anyways, when I finally caved in and said I’m coming back to stay with family for a while, they complained so much about putting me up and just made me feel as if I was begging. When I told them that I had spent loads of money on plane tickets and even took unpaid leave from work, they told me ‘it’s not all about you’
My mum asked my brother behind my back whether I was giving him any money for the 15 minute lifts he offered to give me in his car, and when I confronted her about it, she said ‘we all have our own lives and problems to deal with’ in a really pissed off tone.
It feels that even after flying to the other side of the world to see them, they want me to go the extra mile rather than just supporting me when I’m on their side. Asking for support seems like an insult to them.
I dunno, it was just a really unpleasant experience and I feel that they’re telling me to come back whilst pushing me away. I feel that although my family say that my move abroad made them depressed, upset etc, they’re unwilling to put in the support to have me here.
I’m happy in my new country and didn’t even really want to go back. I went back for them only, but it’s like they’re expecting me to pay for literally everything and then just complain when I ask one of them to lift a finger to help.
MY QUESTION: Would you go home for a family who ‘misses and loves you’ and ‘felt depressed when you left’ even if you had to pay for basically everything and have barely any support from them? Is it really our responsibility to go home, or should we just continue our lives without looking back?
It took my family a while to come to terms that I’m probably not moving back. My mum would often try to guilt trip me but I told her it’s what I want and she needs to support me and viola she did! I got lucky though…
Honestly just be honest with her next time she tries to guilt you. Just say you had such a terrible time when you came back and didn’t feel loved at all then why would I ever come back again? My guess is she’s mad at you for leaving but doesn’t have the maturity to understand that that is her problem and not yours and is just taking it out on you.
If you have the opportunity try and pull an honest conversation together but yea there’s only so much you can do.
Sometimes I don’t think honest confrontations can help, especially with family members who operate on an emotional level. It just tends to make them dig their heels in rather than solve anything