Long story short, I was guilt tripped for 3 years into coming home. I think the reason is that I’m from a small family.
Anyways, when I finally caved in and said I’m coming back to stay with family for a while, they complained so much about putting me up and just made me feel as if I was begging. When I told them that I had spent loads of money on plane tickets and even took unpaid leave from work, they told me ‘it’s not all about you’
My mum asked my brother behind my back whether I was giving him any money for the 15 minute lifts he offered to give me in his car, and when I confronted her about it, she said ‘we all have our own lives and problems to deal with’ in a really pissed off tone.
It feels that even after flying to the other side of the world to see them, they want me to go the extra mile rather than just supporting me when I’m on their side. Asking for support seems like an insult to them.
I dunno, it was just a really unpleasant experience and I feel that they’re telling me to come back whilst pushing me away. I feel that although my family say that my move abroad made them depressed, upset etc, they’re unwilling to put in the support to have me here.
I’m happy in my new country and didn’t even really want to go back. I went back for them only, but it’s like they’re expecting me to pay for literally everything and then just complain when I ask one of them to lift a finger to help.
MY QUESTION: Would you go home for a family who ‘misses and loves you’ and ‘felt depressed when you left’ even if you had to pay for basically everything and have barely any support from them? Is it really our responsibility to go home, or should we just continue our lives without looking back?
I see the similarities with my family. Everything was my responsibility - come visit, call them, email them, reach out in general and pay for things. Never once theirs. I gave up as the relationship felt very 1 sided and hadn’t been back to visit them in a over a decade. I gave up and they never even realised or proactively cared.
That being said, I had a Business trip in April that landed me about 30 minutes away. I told one sister I had time for dinner but no car so if she could be flexible on location, I would pay. Turns out my niece’s special needs school was 10 minutes from my hotel and the pick up time was similar so she came for dinner with my niece. That was the only time.
Still no phone calls or practice emails from them.
That reminds me of my sister who was on a vacation road trip. She could have stopped by where I was staying very easily, and she said she would, but then on FB I see she decides to turn around and drive home because she was too tired to “make the whole trip.” She never said anything to me. I was planning on seeing everyone and had dinner reservations in mind.