I’ve lived in paris for 5/6 years, I was fluent when I arrived (years of international school) and my mom had already been living here for several years. Still, it was a big culture shock and adjustment and absolutely levelled up my French to the point where now French people usually assume I am from here.

The problem is even with all that, I just don’t feel at home. Some cultural differences feel insurmountable, the blasé and critical attitude is difficult for me, I’ve always been very high energy and jokey and have a hard time finding people in everyday life who match that energy. Whenever I go back to the states I feel so fulfilled and like myself and it really makes me question why I’m here. I have a very cool job in the non-profit sector, so not super well-paid, and a very stable loving relationship, my apartment, my mom… there’s still something where I feel like I’ll never fully be accepted here. I feel like my American-ness immediately puts me down in peoples’ eyes, I feel like I will never write perfectly or totally grasp codes and it will always take me a slight extra effort to understand things that are easy for people here. I don’t get cultural references and I don’t know the clichés of every tiny town and region.

I’m from New York so I liked living here because I felt that Paris was such a better cost of living/quality of life ratio, and I love the work-life balance and accessibility of culture. However, what use are my 5 weeks of vacation if I spend half of them going back home? And probably, I always will, because my missing home will never go away, my friends and family there will keep getting married or getting sick or just being there ?

And France’s descent into xenophobic fascism is not helping. I know all the issues in the US, but it’s different, I am from there and always will be, whereas I am actively choosing to live in France and contribute to its economy.

Just feeling like the jig is up and I did what I had to do, and now I can leave. This is just venting, don’t know if anyone here can relate, if this is a bump in the road or a red alert.

  • venusenlion@alien.topBEnglish
    1·
    1 year ago

    I currently live in France, but I lived in multiple countries before (due to my parents job).

    I would often come to Paris to visit friends, and on vacation it was amazing, but now that I live here I see why most people I know can’t wait to leave France. Of course it’s a beautiful country, it comes with a lot of great things, however most people are miserable here, compared to Montreal where I used to live.

    People are aigris (bitter for non french speakers), bigotry/racism is at an all time high especially against people from “my” community, and I’ve never been subjected to this before. I feel like they’re also way behind when it comes to mental health (care) compared to North Americans and it’s affecting my day to day life. Salaries are super low, especially if you don’t have a diploma from an elite business school/uni and/or you live outside of Paris… which limits my choices. But the people especially are bad vibes. I arrived a few months ago and I’m already thinking of leaving.

    • Old-Estate-3362@alien.topBEnglish
      1·
      1 year ago

      Glad I found this comment. I was amazed by the bigotry, which actually got sort of violent, in my case.

      I traveled to Paris for the first time, just before the Pandemic. I was so excited - I’m from the US, but my mom lived in Paris for a couple of years in the 1950s and I grew up hearing how wonderful it all was.

      I’m a friendly, cheerful, cis-gendered American woman, feminine in voice and appearance. But I’m nearly 2m tall, and at the time had a short hair cut. Several times, while waiting in line for bathrooms or changing rooms in Paris, some security guard would decide I was “too tall to be a real woman”, physically yank me out of the line, bend my arm painfully behind my back, and frog-march me into a men’s room. And then all the Parisians around us would break out into a vociferous argument about gay rights, screaming in each other’s faces.

      My French isn’t the best. It took me a while to work out what the heck was happening. I’d never been mistaken for a man before, except maybe for an instant or two, like if I was bundled up in a winter coat and hat, and someone just sort of perceived my sixe without looking up at my face or hearing my voice.

      I’ve occasionally gotten misogynistic remarks about my height, so at first I figured it was just more that (some dudes really hate tall women).

      I eventually figured out what was going on.

      So yeah. I’m not transgendered, but wow, the LGBTQ community there must have it rough! I was really feeling the hate pouring over me from French people who thought I was transgendered. They were saying some pretty awful stuff, and weren’t willing to listen to a word I said. Just pure vitriol pouring out of them.

      Occasionally I had a French champion or two. But in general the whole place felt hostile. I could not wait to leave, and vowed to never come back.