I’ve lived in paris for 5/6 years, I was fluent when I arrived (years of international school) and my mom had already been living here for several years. Still, it was a big culture shock and adjustment and absolutely levelled up my French to the point where now French people usually assume I am from here.
The problem is even with all that, I just don’t feel at home. Some cultural differences feel insurmountable, the blasé and critical attitude is difficult for me, I’ve always been very high energy and jokey and have a hard time finding people in everyday life who match that energy. Whenever I go back to the states I feel so fulfilled and like myself and it really makes me question why I’m here. I have a very cool job in the non-profit sector, so not super well-paid, and a very stable loving relationship, my apartment, my mom… there’s still something where I feel like I’ll never fully be accepted here. I feel like my American-ness immediately puts me down in peoples’ eyes, I feel like I will never write perfectly or totally grasp codes and it will always take me a slight extra effort to understand things that are easy for people here. I don’t get cultural references and I don’t know the clichés of every tiny town and region.
I’m from New York so I liked living here because I felt that Paris was such a better cost of living/quality of life ratio, and I love the work-life balance and accessibility of culture. However, what use are my 5 weeks of vacation if I spend half of them going back home? And probably, I always will, because my missing home will never go away, my friends and family there will keep getting married or getting sick or just being there ?
And France’s descent into xenophobic fascism is not helping. I know all the issues in the US, but it’s different, I am from there and always will be, whereas I am actively choosing to live in France and contribute to its economy.
Just feeling like the jig is up and I did what I had to do, and now I can leave. This is just venting, don’t know if anyone here can relate, if this is a bump in the road or a red alert.
I’m American and I lived in Germany during college. I realized it would be hard for me to live there because in the US I had come to expect a lot of friendliness in interactions. While individual Germans were super friendly and welcoming, there was just less friendliness in public life. I always felt like I was in the way.
German society runs on social and other rules I didn’t fully grasp, and people were sterner than I was used to. I had the police reprimand me several times, either for not saving my receipt at the grocery (they thought I stole the food), buying the wrong ferry ticket (even though the one I bought cost the same), or accidentally sitting in first class on the train (the train was crowded and I thought “wow I found a seat!”).
The clerks at shops didn’t smile at me and looked very annoyed every time I needed assistance. If they didn’t have a book I was looking for, they weren’t going to recommend another shop that would have it and looked scandalized that I would even ask. 😂
I came to understand and even appreciate the differences, but I never felt quite at home. The programming from childhood runs deep.