I’ve lived in paris for 5/6 years, I was fluent when I arrived (years of international school) and my mom had already been living here for several years. Still, it was a big culture shock and adjustment and absolutely levelled up my French to the point where now French people usually assume I am from here.
The problem is even with all that, I just don’t feel at home. Some cultural differences feel insurmountable, the blasé and critical attitude is difficult for me, I’ve always been very high energy and jokey and have a hard time finding people in everyday life who match that energy. Whenever I go back to the states I feel so fulfilled and like myself and it really makes me question why I’m here. I have a very cool job in the non-profit sector, so not super well-paid, and a very stable loving relationship, my apartment, my mom… there’s still something where I feel like I’ll never fully be accepted here. I feel like my American-ness immediately puts me down in peoples’ eyes, I feel like I will never write perfectly or totally grasp codes and it will always take me a slight extra effort to understand things that are easy for people here. I don’t get cultural references and I don’t know the clichés of every tiny town and region.
I’m from New York so I liked living here because I felt that Paris was such a better cost of living/quality of life ratio, and I love the work-life balance and accessibility of culture. However, what use are my 5 weeks of vacation if I spend half of them going back home? And probably, I always will, because my missing home will never go away, my friends and family there will keep getting married or getting sick or just being there ?
And France’s descent into xenophobic fascism is not helping. I know all the issues in the US, but it’s different, I am from there and always will be, whereas I am actively choosing to live in France and contribute to its economy.
Just feeling like the jig is up and I did what I had to do, and now I can leave. This is just venting, don’t know if anyone here can relate, if this is a bump in the road or a red alert.
Can I recommend Canada? Your French skills open up additional immigration options and my experience in anglophone Canada is that it’s like 3% off from the U.S. Quebec may be a bit more different but my guess is that it’s still more American than you feel in Paris.
As an American who really has zero interest in living in the U.S. anymore, Canada feels very much like home but with more responsive government (to social issues) and much safer. Plus you can just drive across the border if you really need a moment with your people.
not sure i could handle winter
I’m in BC so winters and summers are relatively mild, but winter in Quebec is cold.
I sympathize with your concern over going back to the U.S. and then regretting that choice. It’s easy to go back and hard to leave. Can you leave for a few months without messing up your status in France? I would probably opt for a test run if it didn’t mess up my status abroad.
Everyone focuses on how cold Canada is. Sure it’s cold, but you can adapt to that with clothing and misery but there is no adapting to six months of winter. 5-6 months of grey can really wreck you mentally.
So far this winter it’s been mostly sun. I happen to like the rain and find dark days cozy so I enjoy winter. But yes, seasonal affective disorder is a problem for many people. I have found though that having the right gear to get out in cold and wet means you can still enjoy exercise and fresh air, which helps with mood. My partner definitely benefits and is no longer as bothered by the darkness. We camp and hike all year, although it’s not terribly cold in our part of Canada. It might get to -15c in the mountains in the lower mainland but usually it’s not much below -5 or -10c. Other parts of Canada are much colder but not as wet so more sun and easier to stay comfortable with the right clothes.
Quebecer transplant here: winter is shockingly less bad than folks realize.
Montreal is a metropolis where people are used to there being snow and cold a few months of the year. Because people are used to it, life tends to carry on as usual - nightlife keeps going, folks skate on the ice rinks in their local parks, and everybody keeps about their routine.
Coming from Vancouver, there’s somehow MORE people outside doing things in the winter here! Snow’s just more manageable than rain I guess?