I’ve lived in paris for 5/6 years, I was fluent when I arrived (years of international school) and my mom had already been living here for several years. Still, it was a big culture shock and adjustment and absolutely levelled up my French to the point where now French people usually assume I am from here.

The problem is even with all that, I just don’t feel at home. Some cultural differences feel insurmountable, the blasé and critical attitude is difficult for me, I’ve always been very high energy and jokey and have a hard time finding people in everyday life who match that energy. Whenever I go back to the states I feel so fulfilled and like myself and it really makes me question why I’m here. I have a very cool job in the non-profit sector, so not super well-paid, and a very stable loving relationship, my apartment, my mom… there’s still something where I feel like I’ll never fully be accepted here. I feel like my American-ness immediately puts me down in peoples’ eyes, I feel like I will never write perfectly or totally grasp codes and it will always take me a slight extra effort to understand things that are easy for people here. I don’t get cultural references and I don’t know the clichés of every tiny town and region.

I’m from New York so I liked living here because I felt that Paris was such a better cost of living/quality of life ratio, and I love the work-life balance and accessibility of culture. However, what use are my 5 weeks of vacation if I spend half of them going back home? And probably, I always will, because my missing home will never go away, my friends and family there will keep getting married or getting sick or just being there ?

And France’s descent into xenophobic fascism is not helping. I know all the issues in the US, but it’s different, I am from there and always will be, whereas I am actively choosing to live in France and contribute to its economy.

Just feeling like the jig is up and I did what I had to do, and now I can leave. This is just venting, don’t know if anyone here can relate, if this is a bump in the road or a red alert.

  • Rabbit_Reading@alien.topBEnglish
    1·
    1 year ago

    I’m from South America and I’ve lived in France for 7 years, and I feel word for word the same as you… So I’m figuring out how I can move to the States because when I visited, I felt like the energy is the same as in Latin America: people more positive and spontaneous. I can be myself, while in France, I have the impression of playing a role of a French person that is not me, but it’s necessary to be a little more accepted…

    I know that the USA has a lot of challenges, and I don’t like the existence of minimal coverage for people when facing difficult times, but… I don’t understand why there are Americans who choose to move to France.

    • CastlesandMist@alien.topBEnglish
      1·
      1 year ago

      Agreed. I think there is just a more positive view in the Americas overall. You can feel it in the air and in the water. At least for those in Latin American countries and the USA (Canada May be a deserved exception). I’ve spoken with French visitors in California ‘em who have remarked on the positive energy of the USA and who have complained about the negative energy of France. I think this is the OP’s main point.

      • LyleLanleysMonorail@alien.topBEnglish
        1·
        1 year ago

        I’m always surprised by how much French and British accents I hear whenever I am in LA but I guess what you wrote makes sense.

      • squiggla@alien.topBEnglish
        1·
        1 year ago

        Are you saying the US isn’t pretty? Have you personally seen all 50 states? I’ve only seen 46, and they’re pretty freaking beautiful. One of the only countries that has every single one of earth’s biomes. It’s objectively one of the most beautiful countries in the world. If youre talking solely about cities, of course NYC and LA have nothing on Paris or almost any other European city. But to state generally that the US isn’t pretty is ridiculous

        • TARandomNumbers@alien.topBEnglish
          1·
          1 year ago

          Not at all, I choose to live here and wouldnt move from the US for any reason. This country took a chance on me, an immigrant and allowed me to simply work hard to achieve social mobility I likely couldnt in other countries. I’d never move. Speakong from a purely architectural perspective tho, Paris vs any city in US, theres not much of a contest.

    • CaptainFungiNails@alien.topBEnglish
      1·
      1 year ago

      Are you me ?! Been in France for 10 years though, but otherwise this is the same feeling I had.

      I have the impression that you can’t be different in France. You have to fit right in the social expectations. I felt very free back in Guatemala, but sadly can’t go back to a 800eur/month salary.

      I want to move to the US, the only problem is that my industry only hires in Austin lol not sure I would like it, but I’ll try.

      Which city do you live in ??

    • General-Ad4731@alien.topBEnglish
      1·
      1 year ago

      Im from Mexico and I completely understand what you’re saying, try Spain if you can’t go to the US

    • ReflexPoint@alien.top
      BEnglish
      1·
      1 year ago

      Not all Americans have an “American” personality. There’s 340 million of us. We’re not all the same.