Im going to share an observation. Tell me if you’ve seen this regardless of the country. Got a relative who came back to the states to bury his wife who passed away overseas. He noted after the funeral everyone went back to their lives. Upon returning to India where he’s been only a 1.5 yrs, he was swarmed with comfort and condolences by ppl he just met. He is not Indian. Example 2, when my father mom passed years back, we went down to see him. We were the only ones that showed up at that point and they know a lot of people. He said, if he was in haiti, his house would be swarmed. But in the states, its empty. Anyone else seen this phenomenon of how different cultures respond to the grieving? (serious replies only please)
Western culture is uncomfortable about death. My grief group discussed this. Basically, a couple people brought us food, but that’s it. We wished there was a way for people (public) to know you’re grieving, instead of thinking you’re just being weird and clueless in the grocery store. A year’s worth of wearing black sounds good to me, if it means people extend grace. But everyone wears black all the time, so we don’t have very good supportive community rituals and traditions around death here, likely due to our “rugged individualism” ideals.
In the earlier 20th century people wore black armbands to show they were in mourning when a family member died. My parents and their parents did that—I still have pics. I recall it from childhood.
Yes - that is what I wish existed today. We don’t have any current traditions like that anymore, aside from gold stars for military families.
When my dad died in 2012 I wore one anyway. Some people understood and others asked; I explained. reaction swere interesting. Some people shrank back and scurried away from it. (It is true that Americans fear death and have few traditions to help get through it.) Others said “that is a good tradition” or something to that effect. You could re=establish that tradition (fter all people started pink ribbon-wearing for breast cancer etc.) I intend to do wear the black armband around my left arm (nearest the heart) again, the next time I am in mourning.