I’m in a binational couple and we met and currently live in a 3rd country. We are relocating to another 3rd country next year and while we considered moving to either one of our home countries, we decided against it. A 3rd country is a neutral territory where we are both foreigners/immigrants/expats and I think that makes many things easier. In one of our home countries, one of us would be more dependent on the other (at least in the beginning) and that person would be the « foreigner « . I’m sure it’s possible to make it work but it’ll take some time and extra work. Wishing you the best of luck!

I’m Finnish and I’ve lived in Sweden, Scotland and Canada so far. I enjoyed myself in all of those places and my only reasons for leaving were studies or work. Next year I’m moving to Portugal to be closer to mine and my husband’s families and I’m expecting it to be yet another smooth transition. I think the key is to know the language, the good and the bad (it seems that you do), and to manage your expectations. Life there might not be at all what you expect so keep your goals flexible. At least that’s what I always did and it worked out nicely. Good luck!

My husband immigrated from Brazil to Canada in his 30s and has been able to successfully build his life here. Of course there are downsides to immigrating later in life but there are also upsides, like being more mature, having more education/work experience and potentially some savings.

Out of your options Spain sounds like a way better fit unless in Japan you would have a clear path to a job/career after learning the language

As people get older, their brains’ capacity to handle new or conflicting information decreases. It becomes much easier to just accept things at face value, take shortcuts in reasoning and engage in black-and-white thinking. Most topics are rather complicated and require quite a bit of curiosity, open-mindedness and effort to truly understand.

I would say it’s most likely going to be a balancing act with your parents: if they say things that are blatantly racist and offensive, you can share your view and try your best to educate them, and with some other topics, if they are open-minded and willing to discuss, you can do the same. If not, then it’s best to politely decline to discuss/ignore. Better to focus on the things that you have in common than the things that divide you. Also, like you said, they are the product of their societal and cultural environment and we are a product of ours. What would we be like without the internet 🫣

Anyone from a collectivist culture/country

I’m Finnish and I met my Brazilian husband in Canada where we’ve lived for the past 14 years. Life before kids was a breeze but after having kids (both during Covid) it has been SO hard. At least the people who have a local partner can normally get help from their family but we don’t have anyone. Raising our kids to speak 4 languages (our languages + 2 local ones) has been the easiest part of this whole ordeal. I feel like they identify with both our home countries because they speak the languages fluently and consume a fair bit of music, literature and tv from there too. They see themselves as Canadians but feel totally at ease in both of our home countries. I feel like knowing the language and having access to your culture and people (family and friends) is key.

That last paragraph could have been written by me. Solidarity