It’s extremely difficult and a common problem. Two expats are compatible now because they’re in a common country, but then it’s time to settle down. When families are extremely far apart, there are language barriers, you’re wondering where to raise children, house affordability… it all gets complicated. One person may sacrifice their wants for the other, but how do you prevent resentment? You may make a deal (we live in your country til the kids are 10, then we move) but what if circumstances change and the kids don’t want to move?
It’s complicated and messy and not exclusively an expat problem, it’s just way more common. Just know you’re not alone, and it’s better that you had this conversation now. He could’ve sacrificed everything to move with you, then left you 10 years in the future.
You wouldn’t catch me dead living in the US, but don’t underestimate the value of family help. Not a bad idea to go when the kids are under the age of 5.