I agree with this. I moved to Sweden for my masters, and when I was online dating, I prioritized matching with people who were Swedish instead of other immigrants because I didn’t want to get into a situation where myself and my partner were both in a country neither of us was from - I didn’t want to have to leave Sweden because my partner wanted to move home and make a choice between staying in Sweden or moving with them and having to re-learn a third language, start over again, or move back to the US. Even just holidays, having to travel to 2 countries or otherwise alternating which family you see which year gets so complicated and there’s bound to end up with resentment. It would be completely different if my Swedish partner and I chose to move to another country where we were both an immigrant because we made that choice together, but if I was dating someone German or Chilean or Canadian or Australian or Korean or something else, the choice would then be staying where we were both immigrants or moving to where one of us was in their “home turf” and that also changes the relationship dynamic. It was just too many factors that could affect a relationship I wanted to avoid. Totally agree with you that it’s best OP realized this now versus after 10 years of drawn out resentment!

I don’t know, I have had several multi-year partners and not a single one of them has compared at all to my current partner who I know without a doubt I want to marry and have a family with. I think there’s some truth to the argument that part of the contentment comes from not continuing to search, but there is also something to be said for finding a person who aligns with you in terms of life priorities, sexual compatibility, emotional compatibility, communication styles, values, etc. That’s not always easy to find and align on all of those things and it’s a bit simplistic to say it would be easy to find another one just like that. I think there are right people for different times in our lives, both partners and friends, but there is a lot of value in working towards sharing a life with someone as you both grow and change. Staying with the same person for 20+ years is being with new people too - the people they grow into in their different life phases.

If you are currently both in the US, it makes a ton of sense to stay a bit longer and get her citizenship then relocate. If you’re in her home country and this requires you both uprooting your lives and moving to the US for 3-5 years just to get her a passport, I feel like that’s a bit much. Everyone seems to be assuming you’re still in the US and can just stay because otherwise it would not be a clear cut “yes do it” to literally move countries knowing in 3-5 years you’d move back JUST for a passport. But you use here/there in different sentences so I’m not entirely sure which country you’re currently in and that could make a difference.