Long story short, I was guilt tripped for 3 years into coming home. I think the reason is that I’m from a small family.
Anyways, when I finally caved in and said I’m coming back to stay with family for a while, they complained so much about putting me up and just made me feel as if I was begging. When I told them that I had spent loads of money on plane tickets and even took unpaid leave from work, they told me ‘it’s not all about you’
My mum asked my brother behind my back whether I was giving him any money for the 15 minute lifts he offered to give me in his car, and when I confronted her about it, she said ‘we all have our own lives and problems to deal with’ in a really pissed off tone.
It feels that even after flying to the other side of the world to see them, they want me to go the extra mile rather than just supporting me when I’m on their side. Asking for support seems like an insult to them.
I dunno, it was just a really unpleasant experience and I feel that they’re telling me to come back whilst pushing me away. I feel that although my family say that my move abroad made them depressed, upset etc, they’re unwilling to put in the support to have me here.
I’m happy in my new country and didn’t even really want to go back. I went back for them only, but it’s like they’re expecting me to pay for literally everything and then just complain when I ask one of them to lift a finger to help.
MY QUESTION: Would you go home for a family who ‘misses and loves you’ and ‘felt depressed when you left’ even if you had to pay for basically everything and have barely any support from them? Is it really our responsibility to go home, or should we just continue our lives without looking back?
No. It shouldn’t be our responsibility. I was raised in a very close family setting so after I made the decision to move, I was guilt tripped and told I was missed and loved every day. My mom would tell me she cried, my siblings cried about me, etc. She disregarded my own feelings and needs for months and made me feel like it was my duty to come back just to make them all happy, even though I wasn’t even living with them or visiting all the time in the first place. I think they missed that I was able to help with chores and responsibilities. I felt manipulated. I finally reached my breaking point after a year of this consistent nagging and told them how I felt, and that they were dragging me down and making me feel like my move was worthless and they didn’t care about my life and feelings. Thankfully my family relented after and have since been less guilt tripping, but I had to stand up for myself and let them know I was putting myself first now.