Long story short, I was guilt tripped for 3 years into coming home. I think the reason is that I’m from a small family.
Anyways, when I finally caved in and said I’m coming back to stay with family for a while, they complained so much about putting me up and just made me feel as if I was begging. When I told them that I had spent loads of money on plane tickets and even took unpaid leave from work, they told me ‘it’s not all about you’
My mum asked my brother behind my back whether I was giving him any money for the 15 minute lifts he offered to give me in his car, and when I confronted her about it, she said ‘we all have our own lives and problems to deal with’ in a really pissed off tone.
It feels that even after flying to the other side of the world to see them, they want me to go the extra mile rather than just supporting me when I’m on their side. Asking for support seems like an insult to them.
I dunno, it was just a really unpleasant experience and I feel that they’re telling me to come back whilst pushing me away. I feel that although my family say that my move abroad made them depressed, upset etc, they’re unwilling to put in the support to have me here.
I’m happy in my new country and didn’t even really want to go back. I went back for them only, but it’s like they’re expecting me to pay for literally everything and then just complain when I ask one of them to lift a finger to help.
MY QUESTION: Would you go home for a family who ‘misses and loves you’ and ‘felt depressed when you left’ even if you had to pay for basically everything and have barely any support from them? Is it really our responsibility to go home, or should we just continue our lives without looking back?
This is what I call Boomer Energy. It’s a serious illness that many-a-boomers have but luckily I’ve figured out how to manage it (note I also love a lot of boomers so this isn’t a hate comment toward an entire generation, just a general trend I see amongst some of them).
Anyways, I’m well versed in Boomer Energy and whether you live abroad or back home, the qualities of said boomer will not change. If you were to move home you’ll see these ugly qualities reappear in new situations and scenarios.
My advice: I’m not one for cutting people out, but be mindful of their toxic qualities and when they start doing their ugly song and dance ignore their comments. I also create distance- I’ll still spend time with them in multi person settings but otherwise I don’t go out of my way to send a lot of texts or make 1:1 plans. I also give my attention to other people in a group setting as well so they start to register that maybe somethings off with your relationship and correct the way they act.
It’s the fictitious negative assumptions that really get me. For example, your brother didn’t care that you didn’t pay him for the lift, yet your mom made up a story in her head and caused a whole thing over nothing. If there is a term for this other than delusional, I need to know.