Long story short, I was guilt tripped for 3 years into coming home. I think the reason is that I’m from a small family.

Anyways, when I finally caved in and said I’m coming back to stay with family for a while, they complained so much about putting me up and just made me feel as if I was begging. When I told them that I had spent loads of money on plane tickets and even took unpaid leave from work, they told me ‘it’s not all about you’

My mum asked my brother behind my back whether I was giving him any money for the 15 minute lifts he offered to give me in his car, and when I confronted her about it, she said ‘we all have our own lives and problems to deal with’ in a really pissed off tone.

It feels that even after flying to the other side of the world to see them, they want me to go the extra mile rather than just supporting me when I’m on their side. Asking for support seems like an insult to them.

I dunno, it was just a really unpleasant experience and I feel that they’re telling me to come back whilst pushing me away. I feel that although my family say that my move abroad made them depressed, upset etc, they’re unwilling to put in the support to have me here.

I’m happy in my new country and didn’t even really want to go back. I went back for them only, but it’s like they’re expecting me to pay for literally everything and then just complain when I ask one of them to lift a finger to help.

MY QUESTION: Would you go home for a family who ‘misses and loves you’ and ‘felt depressed when you left’ even if you had to pay for basically everything and have barely any support from them? Is it really our responsibility to go home, or should we just continue our lives without looking back?

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  • Thanmandrathor@alien.top
    BEnglish
    1·
    1 year ago

    My husband’s mom was like that.

    A narcissist.

    She loved to stir the pot and create drama. One year she planned to visit for Thanksgiving and booked a train ticket. Less than a week before, she called my husband and picked a fight over the phone… out of the blue, no reason. Then she huffily said that maybe she should cancel the trip if he was “being this way” and apparently wasn’t groveling and begging enough for her to still come (he was immune to the guilt trips, and she was too blind to notice). He told her to do what she felt she had to. She cancelled the trip, and then for weeks after would be all weepy and go on about how she missed not seeing us and the kids. She didn’t like it much when hubs told her that maybe she shouldn’t have cancelled her trip then.