Background: My family (partner and our now ~4 year old) moved from US (Texas) to Madrid a year ago on a Highly Qualified Worker’s visa through my partner. We left mostly due to my urging. We spent over a year getting our ducks in a row, (including several moves along the way), and now need to decide what’s next. We haven’t had the chance to “settle down” anywhere and it’s wearing on us emotionally and financially. Partner’s mom/grandma feel in limbo. Partner’s main concerns about staying in Spain seem to be financial/career-based. I feel strongly that I don’t want to live in Texas but can’t think of any other desirable place in the US where the COL wouldn’t put partner in a relatively similar position as he is now. We want to figure out a plan for the future – whether staying in Spain or going back to the US – soon (before kid starts kindergarden).
- Where we live:
- City center, feels exciting and vibrant. Lots to do. Partner likes to be near the action even if he’s not participating.
- Probably paying too much rent/don’t get out much
- Partner:
- Works remotely. Salary cut in half due to location change.
- He’s concerned about being able to save money for the future and also support his mom and grandma (he pays mortgage a house in TX where they live)
- He doesn’t think there’s much room for salary or career growth
- No longer contributing to 401k etc
- Is not learning Spanish but is extroverted and has gotten by pretty well despite
- Loves city living but doesn’t have any friends per se
- Has to work all sorts of hours due to US and abroad teammates
- Me:
- Work remotely as contractor. I have no debt, some savings, and am making a great salary for Spain, average for (Texas)
- Hate working with US clients due to the hours, but it pays
- Like living in Madrid, but think there are way too many people. Miss nature. Hate how hot it gets during the summer. Worried about Climate.
- Reaching C1 level of Spanish reading/writing but still struggle speaking.
- Barely ever leave the house or socialize but not too bothered by it
- My parents live in Texas too but are supporting themselves. I miss them but even when we lived 15 min away I would see them maybe once ever couple of weeks.
- I really like living here, but admit it’s not comfortable. This is, of course, both good (growth) and bad (uncomfortable).
- Kid:
- Picked up Spanish very quickly and seems to really like the daycare/school she’s in (back in TX she used to cry before going to daycare)
- Enjoys walking with the family through the city, the playgrounds, etc
- Misses her grandma/great grandma.
- Has been a great sport about moving so much
- Extended fam:
- OG plan was to move partner’s mom and grandma to Spain too. With his visa, his mom will be easy to get here but his grandma not so much unless she does NLV. Have already discussed with lawyer.
- Both love grandchild a bunch and hate that she’s so far away.
- Partner and I so far have paid for his mom to come out and visit 3x. Tickets not cheap.
- We’ve toyed with idea of living all together, but I really really really don’t want to
We’re currently deciding between (each with its own pros and cons)
- Staying in Madrid and moving somewhere cheaper
- Moving to Oviedo (Northern Spain)
- Moving back to US but, what city/state?
Asking for…
- similar experiences and their outcomes
- advice on how to make a complicated decision that takes into account 5 people’s wants/needs/fears
- what you might do in this situation, open to hearing anything!
Thanks for reading : )
We’ve contemplated all of this, especially when one of our parents died unexpectedly. But, we feel like the shootings/violence, health care system, and car-centric nature of our lives in the States, all keep us from returning. Our kids are older so we’ve experienced the mass shooter lockdown at school and that alone kind of makes the decision for us, even though I’m sure the chances are statistically small. We are now just past two years here and finally feel certain that we won’t return.
Similar boat to you. Missed my seeing both my father and grandmother for the last time by minutes because of how long it took to get back to Connecticut from Australia. But I hate being dependent on cars, the U.S. gun culture, the threat of theocrats, health care costs, and poor work-life balance. Australia has its problems, like cost of living and poor quality housing, but the choice to stay here is still easy.