After spending my entire 20s and early 30s abroad i covered some serious ground working in Canada, Ireland, Cambodia, Honduras, Dubai, UK and most recently the Netherlands. I landed in the Netherlands 3 months before the pandemic broke out and was barred from my country Australia for years which did a number on my mental health with my mum unwell and i unable to return. I finally got a repatriation flight home and was in Australia working remotely for a year for the same Dutch company. I started to question returning to The Netherlands but with the sudden outbreak of the war in Ukraine and the fear of getting locked out of Australia again i was apprehensive, so i went and worked remotely in Bali and thought i might start a business and set up there as an option. My Dutch visa unexpectadly got revoked and i was suddenly devastated over the loss of it and everything i invested so hard in. I ended up with a severe mental health decline called burnout and had to return to Australia. Ive now been back in Australia recovering for 9 months and it’s not the place i thought or remember it to be. Friends have all moved on, even family members have their own lives, the lack of culture, innovation and it,'s isolation from the rest of the world gets me down. It’s so quiet here not much really happens. I know i probably sound spoilt and negative but im really struggling with life here and miss the Netherlands and being in Europe. Ive tried to find a partner for years and settle down somewhere but it doesnt seem to work out for me and i cant find anyone. Im female 33 now and feel like i missed the boat on relationships, family or having an interesting life. I guess being an expat for over 10 years has left my heart in too many places and i feel i belong no where anymore. I dont know what to do now since Australia is not giving me what i want, maybe i should try to move abroad again and try to find a partner somewhere else and settle down. Any experiences or perspectives on trying to settle down again would be helpful. I have no idea what to do anymore or am i just destined to be stuck like this forever.
Reverse integration is a real thing and happens to many people, so know that you’re not alone in what you’re experiencing.
If you want to stay there, then you need to treat home like you’re moving to a new place. How would you make friends and build up a network? You can do that there too.
What worries me more is your mental health decline. You say you weren’t happy in the Netherlands either, and it didn’t work out in Bali, and now you’re not happy in Australia. You can’t find a partner. Can you spot the common denominator? If you’re not happy with yourself, you won’t be happy anywhere, and you won’t start to attract friends or romantic interests. As the saying goes, you tend find someone when you’re least looking for someone.
You need to get at the root of your issues and solve those, and then decide where you physically want to be. If you’re always falling for the “grass is green on the other side” thinking, that can be toxic. Do you have resources to access a therapist? If so, this would be a very useful investment. If not, then start to read some good books about mental health.
A good starting point might be these books, which are by actual psychologists.
Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb
Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before by Julie Smith
The Book You Want Everyone You Love* To Read, by Philippa Perry
Reinventing Your Life by Jeffrey E.Young, Janet S. Klosko
Remember, you’re not alone. Many people have similar feelings, and there’s a path forward for you, you will get over this and build an amazing life.