Fellow expats, this question was probably asked thousands of times but yeah. How do you cope with expat loneliness and how long did it take you to make some actual friends? I have been living in a different country for one month and I just can’t stop feeling lonely and alienated.
Never felt lonely in my life. Don’t understand it. Love being alone. Too much to do.
Finally found someone who aligns with my thought process. I absolutely love being alone and wonder why it’s demonized so much.
There’s so much to do and think and experience alone .
Depends where you are… but I suppose one of the fastest ways is seek out other foreigners.
But I would say embrace the alienation… just get out there wander about, do stuff you wouldn’t do in your own country.
I’ve been in Portugal for 9 months. I too am an introvert. But moreso than you as I won’t go to the local expat meetup. Too many people. I am in the very early stage learning Portuguese so speaking with locals isn’t possible. I’m not in Lisbon or Porto so English isn’t quite as common where I’m at.
Despite being an introvert I do like spending time with friends and crave that. But my introvertedness makes that improbable.
I’ve resigned myself to having my US friends and family visit every few years. That’ll be my time to get the constant loneliness out of my system. Unless a Portuguese extrovert knocks on my door and adopts me I don’t see things changing.
Depending on the place, and the circumstances.
In 2 years in Switzerland I made many Swiss friends, amazing people. It took me ~3 to 6 months to adapt and then I started making friends.
After that, 2 years in Quebec and I haven’t made a single friend from Quebec. All my friends are expats and they don’t have friends from Quebec either.
having a hard time to believe that you made friends in switzerland. i was born there and even living there my whole life didnt bring me much friends. also a reason why i relocated. if you check /r/switzerland this is a very common topic
Again. The experience is not the same for everyone. I keep pretty amazing Swiss friends with me. They are mostly from Lausanne and Ticino.
that explains a lot. german switzerland is tough to make friends tho.
You have to just put yourself out there and stay at hostels
I like having friends but I don’t have to have friends to be happy and content.
Also, I moved to a country where people are pleasantly friendly so even during periods of “in between friendships” I find joy in fleeing interactions with people around me even if those don’t turn into friendships.
But if someone has to have friends to be happy maybe migration is too risky for them.
You didn’t mention language but that was a key factor when I moved to Sweden. Even though almost everyone speaks English you’re not going to get close to them without speaking their language.
Language doesn’t guarantee you’ll make friends though. I got in the habit of always buying an extra ticket whenever there was a sporting or cultural event I wanted to see. That forced me to ask someone to come with me, usually a coworker or neighbor. The great thing about attending an event together is that it takes the pressure off of making small talk and it gives you a topic of conversation when next you meet.
Patience is important. It may take a number of times before someone starts to feel like a friend. It’s ok to work on having several good acquaintances at the same time.
Another strategy that works for some people is join clubs and groups with similar interests.
Best of luck to you. Here’s hoping your social circle grows and prospers.
One thing i did that helped a lot was, put all my closest friends into a shared whatsapp group.
we’re individually not that great always at keeping in touch, as we all obviously lead busy lives with work and families, but as a group it’s much easier. i only have to report stuff once, tell stories and jokes once, etc.
if i need a quick point of view probably one of them is around at any given time
they didn’t all know each other and now they do, so that’s a nice bonus that they made new friendships too because of it
as a result, i didn’t fall out of touch with the friends i cared about most and in some ways we’re closer than ever. i’m on my third expat country and it’s been 8 years.
It’s always going to be a struggle when moving once a month. You just aren’t going to be around the same people long enough to form strong bonds.
More detail will elicit more useful answers. Maybe start with county of emigration and country of immigration.
Finding other expats near you from your original country helps alot.
Get yourself a social hobby you can enjoy in groups, i.e. cooking, dancing, fencing, whatever to spend time with other people. Alternatively, keep yourself busy, maybe some self development, maybe it’s a good time to do the masters you were considering for a while or that online course. Maybe you want to go to a local shelter and help the homeless? Whatever you do I hope you will make some lasting connections soon!
I made friends the first week. I met my fist friend at a bank. We both speak Spanish. I met the rest of the friends are Portuguese, but they live in my area, and even though we dont speak the same language, we cooked together and walked in the evenings. I found it so much easier to make friends than in the USA.
Just get out there and give it time.