I’ve lived in paris for 5/6 years, I was fluent when I arrived (years of international school) and my mom had already been living here for several years. Still, it was a big culture shock and adjustment and absolutely levelled up my French to the point where now French people usually assume I am from here.
The problem is even with all that, I just don’t feel at home. Some cultural differences feel insurmountable, the blasé and critical attitude is difficult for me, I’ve always been very high energy and jokey and have a hard time finding people in everyday life who match that energy. Whenever I go back to the states I feel so fulfilled and like myself and it really makes me question why I’m here. I have a very cool job in the non-profit sector, so not super well-paid, and a very stable loving relationship, my apartment, my mom… there’s still something where I feel like I’ll never fully be accepted here. I feel like my American-ness immediately puts me down in peoples’ eyes, I feel like I will never write perfectly or totally grasp codes and it will always take me a slight extra effort to understand things that are easy for people here. I don’t get cultural references and I don’t know the clichés of every tiny town and region.
I’m from New York so I liked living here because I felt that Paris was such a better cost of living/quality of life ratio, and I love the work-life balance and accessibility of culture. However, what use are my 5 weeks of vacation if I spend half of them going back home? And probably, I always will, because my missing home will never go away, my friends and family there will keep getting married or getting sick or just being there ?
And France’s descent into xenophobic fascism is not helping. I know all the issues in the US, but it’s different, I am from there and always will be, whereas I am actively choosing to live in France and contribute to its economy.
Just feeling like the jig is up and I did what I had to do, and now I can leave. This is just venting, don’t know if anyone here can relate, if this is a bump in the road or a red alert.
Wanna switch places? I’m the exact opposite - I HATE how high-energy and loud the US is. Moved to Scandinavia and holy crap it’s so much better, people don’t constantly feel the need to engage in unsolicited small talk or hustle to earn a buck. The whole concept of “lagom” is core here but would never, ever work in the US, Americans are too obsessed with consumerism. And that’s not even touching on the obsession with hyper-individuality - it’s like everyone in the country is suffering from main character syndrome.
Previously lived in Germany and largely felt the same way, there were more little cultural idiosyncrasies in German society that drove me nuts but overall it’s just a far more harmonious, peaceful existence than I’ve ever felt in the US.
Unfortunately I do not have a foreign spouse or EU family ties (nor an easy path to EU citizenship), and it’s pretty hard to break in without any of those. But I always felt like an outsider in the US too, at least here I feel like a better fit and am less stressed out even if I’m not fully integrated to society. Honestly after several years living off and on overseas, the only thing I miss about the US is being close to immediate family. If it wasn’t for them I don’t think I would ever even visit the US.