I’ve lived in paris for 5/6 years, I was fluent when I arrived (years of international school) and my mom had already been living here for several years. Still, it was a big culture shock and adjustment and absolutely levelled up my French to the point where now French people usually assume I am from here.
The problem is even with all that, I just don’t feel at home. Some cultural differences feel insurmountable, the blasé and critical attitude is difficult for me, I’ve always been very high energy and jokey and have a hard time finding people in everyday life who match that energy. Whenever I go back to the states I feel so fulfilled and like myself and it really makes me question why I’m here. I have a very cool job in the non-profit sector, so not super well-paid, and a very stable loving relationship, my apartment, my mom… there’s still something where I feel like I’ll never fully be accepted here. I feel like my American-ness immediately puts me down in peoples’ eyes, I feel like I will never write perfectly or totally grasp codes and it will always take me a slight extra effort to understand things that are easy for people here. I don’t get cultural references and I don’t know the clichés of every tiny town and region.
I’m from New York so I liked living here because I felt that Paris was such a better cost of living/quality of life ratio, and I love the work-life balance and accessibility of culture. However, what use are my 5 weeks of vacation if I spend half of them going back home? And probably, I always will, because my missing home will never go away, my friends and family there will keep getting married or getting sick or just being there ?
And France’s descent into xenophobic fascism is not helping. I know all the issues in the US, but it’s different, I am from there and always will be, whereas I am actively choosing to live in France and contribute to its economy.
Just feeling like the jig is up and I did what I had to do, and now I can leave. This is just venting, don’t know if anyone here can relate, if this is a bump in the road or a red alert.
I know exactly how you feel OP! I’m French living in Canada. I’ve never been attracted to North American culture and moved mainly because of the racism you described (I’m of Arabic origin) and for job opportunities. So I was happy to leave!
After a few months I started to not feel the same. In Canada people won’t hold the door for you even if you’re just right behind them. They never greet you at work unless they know you super well, even if they are your colleagues that work with you on a daily basis. People stay at home and use their car to go anywhere, there is basically no urban life except in big cities like Toronto or Montreal and if there is one it’s nowhere near what I am used to in Europe. And no need to mention the weather which I already knew before moving but experiencing first hand is different.
The worst part is dating. I’ve never been into French girls and living in Paris meant it was not a problem with all the foreigners and tourists but the only date I had in Canada was with a French girl. I feel like I’m so different that there is no way I can ever date a Canadian woman, I don’t get them.
A year later I came back in Paris for just visiting and now it’s hard to go back to Canada. I missed the food! I missed walking in Paris and see urban life and monuments, I missed the weather, I missed interactions with women who are not North Americans, I missed taking photos, etc
However ridiculous anti Islamic stance and rampant racism plus the cost of living (no way I can rent anything) make it impossible for me to live in Paris, but I wish I would be back in Europe, I miss my life so much here and feel so much alive, happy and energetic.