I’ve lived in paris for 5/6 years, I was fluent when I arrived (years of international school) and my mom had already been living here for several years. Still, it was a big culture shock and adjustment and absolutely levelled up my French to the point where now French people usually assume I am from here.
The problem is even with all that, I just don’t feel at home. Some cultural differences feel insurmountable, the blasé and critical attitude is difficult for me, I’ve always been very high energy and jokey and have a hard time finding people in everyday life who match that energy. Whenever I go back to the states I feel so fulfilled and like myself and it really makes me question why I’m here. I have a very cool job in the non-profit sector, so not super well-paid, and a very stable loving relationship, my apartment, my mom… there’s still something where I feel like I’ll never fully be accepted here. I feel like my American-ness immediately puts me down in peoples’ eyes, I feel like I will never write perfectly or totally grasp codes and it will always take me a slight extra effort to understand things that are easy for people here. I don’t get cultural references and I don’t know the clichés of every tiny town and region.
I’m from New York so I liked living here because I felt that Paris was such a better cost of living/quality of life ratio, and I love the work-life balance and accessibility of culture. However, what use are my 5 weeks of vacation if I spend half of them going back home? And probably, I always will, because my missing home will never go away, my friends and family there will keep getting married or getting sick or just being there ?
And France’s descent into xenophobic fascism is not helping. I know all the issues in the US, but it’s different, I am from there and always will be, whereas I am actively choosing to live in France and contribute to its economy.
Just feeling like the jig is up and I did what I had to do, and now I can leave. This is just venting, don’t know if anyone here can relate, if this is a bump in the road or a red alert.
I’m an American who lived in Spain for a free months many years ago. I agree with what you’re saying.
But I also interpreted Spaniard’s indifference as a certain … haughtiness? It’s hard to explain, but though if I were being more generous in my interpretation it may be more like they are just proud.
One thing that really shook me in Spain was the misogyny and sexism. Me and my female friends suffered constant harassment and I saw Spanish women being aggressively harassed and grabbed too. I’ve travelled frequently in Latin America including many trips to Mexico, and never experienced anything close to the kind of hostility some Spanish men displayed towards women.
But this was late 1980’s, so hopefully there’s been some changes.
I’m absolutely with you on this. That’s the thing about Spain, there’s very little taboo around being openly rude, so you will bump into unrepentant assholes more often than in other places.