I’ve lived in paris for 5/6 years, I was fluent when I arrived (years of international school) and my mom had already been living here for several years. Still, it was a big culture shock and adjustment and absolutely levelled up my French to the point where now French people usually assume I am from here.

The problem is even with all that, I just don’t feel at home. Some cultural differences feel insurmountable, the blasé and critical attitude is difficult for me, I’ve always been very high energy and jokey and have a hard time finding people in everyday life who match that energy. Whenever I go back to the states I feel so fulfilled and like myself and it really makes me question why I’m here. I have a very cool job in the non-profit sector, so not super well-paid, and a very stable loving relationship, my apartment, my mom… there’s still something where I feel like I’ll never fully be accepted here. I feel like my American-ness immediately puts me down in peoples’ eyes, I feel like I will never write perfectly or totally grasp codes and it will always take me a slight extra effort to understand things that are easy for people here. I don’t get cultural references and I don’t know the clichés of every tiny town and region.

I’m from New York so I liked living here because I felt that Paris was such a better cost of living/quality of life ratio, and I love the work-life balance and accessibility of culture. However, what use are my 5 weeks of vacation if I spend half of them going back home? And probably, I always will, because my missing home will never go away, my friends and family there will keep getting married or getting sick or just being there ?

And France’s descent into xenophobic fascism is not helping. I know all the issues in the US, but it’s different, I am from there and always will be, whereas I am actively choosing to live in France and contribute to its economy.

Just feeling like the jig is up and I did what I had to do, and now I can leave. This is just venting, don’t know if anyone here can relate, if this is a bump in the road or a red alert.

    • EddieLeeWilkins45@alien.topBEnglish
      1·
      1 year ago

      yeah, pretty much. I’m older (50) and not at all into any bar/fighting scene, but the guy was a total dick. Probably 25 or so. Hard to explain, just like rude, kinda called me a loser for being 50 going to hostel. I am also from USA so a ‘vacation’ to Miami seemed like a joke to him. I was kinda like, I work buddy, pay a mortgage, had the pandemic the last 3 years and hadn’t traveled, this was kinda my first vacation.

      Other things, like a group of 4 of us would be talking, and you know, any time you speak he just talks to the other people to redirect the conversation or something. There was a french girl (they weren’t traveling together), about his age, who I think at first kinda did like me. But she spoke very little English so, for me (along with the age gap) it was just too much of a obstacle. But we still kinda tried to talk and use google translate etc. In fact, she actually approached me (not me to her), and we’d have a brief convo, then he’d jump in in French and it was pretty apparent he was being obnoxious & putting me down to her. Again, I’m 50 years old I’m not getting into fights in hostel bars over a girl.

      Night #2 I sat out by myself rolled a joint right outside and smoked it with no F’s given. Let the 3 of them and others have their (non)fun. Could care less.