I’ve lived in paris for 5/6 years, I was fluent when I arrived (years of international school) and my mom had already been living here for several years. Still, it was a big culture shock and adjustment and absolutely levelled up my French to the point where now French people usually assume I am from here.
The problem is even with all that, I just don’t feel at home. Some cultural differences feel insurmountable, the blasé and critical attitude is difficult for me, I’ve always been very high energy and jokey and have a hard time finding people in everyday life who match that energy. Whenever I go back to the states I feel so fulfilled and like myself and it really makes me question why I’m here. I have a very cool job in the non-profit sector, so not super well-paid, and a very stable loving relationship, my apartment, my mom… there’s still something where I feel like I’ll never fully be accepted here. I feel like my American-ness immediately puts me down in peoples’ eyes, I feel like I will never write perfectly or totally grasp codes and it will always take me a slight extra effort to understand things that are easy for people here. I don’t get cultural references and I don’t know the clichés of every tiny town and region.
I’m from New York so I liked living here because I felt that Paris was such a better cost of living/quality of life ratio, and I love the work-life balance and accessibility of culture. However, what use are my 5 weeks of vacation if I spend half of them going back home? And probably, I always will, because my missing home will never go away, my friends and family there will keep getting married or getting sick or just being there ?
And France’s descent into xenophobic fascism is not helping. I know all the issues in the US, but it’s different, I am from there and always will be, whereas I am actively choosing to live in France and contribute to its economy.
Just feeling like the jig is up and I did what I had to do, and now I can leave. This is just venting, don’t know if anyone here can relate, if this is a bump in the road or a red alert.
Hey there. I lived in France for about 10 years (with a lot of traveling in between) and lived in Paris for 6 years. I got my “resident du longue duree - UE” card about 2 years ago. I submitted my citizenship application around the same time but it’s still being processed - in the south of France it can take up 4-5 years for citizenship to get processed!
I still have my own place over there, but at the moment am now in the UK, and am planning to just spend my summers in France. I also spend huge chunks of time in the US.
Like you, I realized in my very first year in Paris that I had made a mistake, lol. But I had put in too much effort trying to get my visa, that I decided to stick it out. That’s what I suggest you do: try to at least get permanent residency or citizenship before you move back. That way, you will always be able to work in France and move back if it’s ever needed. You never know what the future holds.
I never really assimilated, and just barely passed my French language test at the B2 level. I spoke no French when I first moved there (aside from knowing how to count from 1 - 10). All my friends in France are foreign and English-speaking (even if they speak French, they’re from somewhere else like Algeria or they’ve lived abroad).
That said, I do like having had all that life experience. I never regret having spent time there. Hopefully you will view your time in France the same way in the future.
I wish I had had more self-confidence in myself to have been able to be more social. I was too bogged down in self-doubt and feeling like an outsider, to really be able to pursue hobbies. It’s like that whole decade was a healing phase for me and I chose one of the most challenging locations to live - I intentionally put myself in the position of being an outsider.
I feel I don’t really fit anywhere. So the best thing for me to do, right now, is to split time between these 3 countries, absorbing the best of each.