I’ve lived in paris for 5/6 years, I was fluent when I arrived (years of international school) and my mom had already been living here for several years. Still, it was a big culture shock and adjustment and absolutely levelled up my French to the point where now French people usually assume I am from here.
The problem is even with all that, I just don’t feel at home. Some cultural differences feel insurmountable, the blasé and critical attitude is difficult for me, I’ve always been very high energy and jokey and have a hard time finding people in everyday life who match that energy. Whenever I go back to the states I feel so fulfilled and like myself and it really makes me question why I’m here. I have a very cool job in the non-profit sector, so not super well-paid, and a very stable loving relationship, my apartment, my mom… there’s still something where I feel like I’ll never fully be accepted here. I feel like my American-ness immediately puts me down in peoples’ eyes, I feel like I will never write perfectly or totally grasp codes and it will always take me a slight extra effort to understand things that are easy for people here. I don’t get cultural references and I don’t know the clichés of every tiny town and region.
I’m from New York so I liked living here because I felt that Paris was such a better cost of living/quality of life ratio, and I love the work-life balance and accessibility of culture. However, what use are my 5 weeks of vacation if I spend half of them going back home? And probably, I always will, because my missing home will never go away, my friends and family there will keep getting married or getting sick or just being there ?
And France’s descent into xenophobic fascism is not helping. I know all the issues in the US, but it’s different, I am from there and always will be, whereas I am actively choosing to live in France and contribute to its economy.
Just feeling like the jig is up and I did what I had to do, and now I can leave. This is just venting, don’t know if anyone here can relate, if this is a bump in the road or a red alert.
Asian-American living in Toulouse here, with 3+ years split between France and Italy. I too was more or less fluent when I arrived. Otherwise, my situation is fairly different from yours, and hell, in general people would never even guess that I’m American, but I can still relate.
I’m not at the point where I’m seriously considering moving back, but I’m already wondering if I’m experiencing the sunk cost fallacy with respect to France. I was actually considering making a post about it when I saw this!
In your experience, would you say that the description of people and society in Paris is the same in Toulouse? I know southern France is seen as much more laid back and nicer, but by how much?
Context: African-American from New York looking to study there
I definitely agree with the description that people in southern France are more laid back and nicer compared to Paris. Not necessarily as friendly to strangers as Americans, but still friendly enough in my view. Granted, this assumes that you already know at least some French.
What are you looking to study in France, and at which schools?