I’ve lived in paris for 5/6 years, I was fluent when I arrived (years of international school) and my mom had already been living here for several years. Still, it was a big culture shock and adjustment and absolutely levelled up my French to the point where now French people usually assume I am from here.
The problem is even with all that, I just don’t feel at home. Some cultural differences feel insurmountable, the blasé and critical attitude is difficult for me, I’ve always been very high energy and jokey and have a hard time finding people in everyday life who match that energy. Whenever I go back to the states I feel so fulfilled and like myself and it really makes me question why I’m here. I have a very cool job in the non-profit sector, so not super well-paid, and a very stable loving relationship, my apartment, my mom… there’s still something where I feel like I’ll never fully be accepted here. I feel like my American-ness immediately puts me down in peoples’ eyes, I feel like I will never write perfectly or totally grasp codes and it will always take me a slight extra effort to understand things that are easy for people here. I don’t get cultural references and I don’t know the clichés of every tiny town and region.
I’m from New York so I liked living here because I felt that Paris was such a better cost of living/quality of life ratio, and I love the work-life balance and accessibility of culture. However, what use are my 5 weeks of vacation if I spend half of them going back home? And probably, I always will, because my missing home will never go away, my friends and family there will keep getting married or getting sick or just being there ?
And France’s descent into xenophobic fascism is not helping. I know all the issues in the US, but it’s different, I am from there and always will be, whereas I am actively choosing to live in France and contribute to its economy.
Just feeling like the jig is up and I did what I had to do, and now I can leave. This is just venting, don’t know if anyone here can relate, if this is a bump in the road or a red alert.
It sounds to me like you have unrealistic expectations. You are treated like a foreigner in France because you are a foreigner. You are romanticizing life in the USA, while decrying French slide to the right politically. In the years since you left the USA has become a toxic place, filled with tension and social battles. Politically, I see the American right as FAR more destructive than the French right. Every single thing becomes a political battle, every single thing comes back to Trump vs Biden. The American right doesnt just have toxic policies and overtly racist views, the worst part is the constant gaslighting. The sun is out and they’ll say it’s raining. The rampant mental illness is so tiresome that it becomes a mentally challenging even if you are not a political activist, it is engrained in everything. Also, beyond the USA as a country, NYC specifically has degraded to the point that i dont even want to visit (ive lived there for many years). Maybe I’m naive to issues in France because I’ve never lived there (not yet at least), but knowing what I know about both countries, if I were you, I’d find a way to maintain your residence in France and visit the USA while trying to work through your personal issues by finding new ways to fulfill the empty space caused by homesickness. Because the “home” you are missing probably doesn’t exist anymore.
Exactly. I lived in France during Covid, and was able to escape the presidential election in Florida. Escape is not an overstatement at all. The rabid and bizarre behavior of strangers means that you must be on high alert at all times. The lack of social cohesion is ridiculous. I am not an anxious person but nowadays the way people interact with one another, the lack of eye contact and polite communication in particular, is freaky and anxiety-inducing.
Leaving France, even though I had only been there for 8 months, was the worst decision of my life so far.