I’ve lived in paris for 5/6 years, I was fluent when I arrived (years of international school) and my mom had already been living here for several years. Still, it was a big culture shock and adjustment and absolutely levelled up my French to the point where now French people usually assume I am from here.

The problem is even with all that, I just don’t feel at home. Some cultural differences feel insurmountable, the blasé and critical attitude is difficult for me, I’ve always been very high energy and jokey and have a hard time finding people in everyday life who match that energy. Whenever I go back to the states I feel so fulfilled and like myself and it really makes me question why I’m here. I have a very cool job in the non-profit sector, so not super well-paid, and a very stable loving relationship, my apartment, my mom… there’s still something where I feel like I’ll never fully be accepted here. I feel like my American-ness immediately puts me down in peoples’ eyes, I feel like I will never write perfectly or totally grasp codes and it will always take me a slight extra effort to understand things that are easy for people here. I don’t get cultural references and I don’t know the clichés of every tiny town and region.

I’m from New York so I liked living here because I felt that Paris was such a better cost of living/quality of life ratio, and I love the work-life balance and accessibility of culture. However, what use are my 5 weeks of vacation if I spend half of them going back home? And probably, I always will, because my missing home will never go away, my friends and family there will keep getting married or getting sick or just being there ?

And France’s descent into xenophobic fascism is not helping. I know all the issues in the US, but it’s different, I am from there and always will be, whereas I am actively choosing to live in France and contribute to its economy.

Just feeling like the jig is up and I did what I had to do, and now I can leave. This is just venting, don’t know if anyone here can relate, if this is a bump in the road or a red alert.

  • analogsquid@alien.topBEnglish
    1·
    1 year ago

    I think it’s ten or twenty times harder to be an American woman in France than it is to be an American man.

    ​

    But I am also certain that it’s way easier to be an American woman in the US than an American woman in France.

    ​

    of French attitudes towards women.

    I’m curious, can you tell me more about this? I’m an American woman who loves France… but I’m not really sure what French attitudes towards women are.

    At least in the television shows I see, the French attitude towards women seems progressive.

    • bluepaintbrush@alien.topBEnglish
      1·
      1 year ago

      There are very strict gender norms in France. The type of woman who is celebrated in France is one who is a certain narrow (and not very achievable) stereotype of womanhood: beautiful, capable, cool; in general, expectations that there is a certain “image” of an acceptable woman. Of course there is no such equivalent for men to be accepted in society.

      North American-style feminism is not seen positively and even the word “feminism” is used as a pejorative and progressive French women avoid using it. There’s a cultural issue with men not respecting women’s personal space or assuming it’s okay to touch them or not believing the woman who says they’re not interested. It’s very clear in North America that bosses shouldn’t make a move on their subordinates, but France is reluctant to see that as an issue.

      Also the french women who try to draw attention to this inequality in the workplace and society are publicly derided by both men and women. There’s a cultural attachment to the stereotypical ideal French woman and not everyone is convinced that she is bad for society.

      If you want to learn more about French gender issues, this webcomic is a famous one (translated here into English but originally in France): https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/may/26/gender-wars-household-chores-comic

      This song is by a Belgian singer but it sparked a LOT of conversation in France. The title is a play on “balance ton porc”, which was the French hashtag version of #MeToo.

      I also highly recommend the documentary “Room 2806: The Accusation” for Americans who aren’t familiar with French culture around gender. It’s about a French man who was accused of sexually assaulting a hotel worker in NYC, but it spends a lot of time explaining the complicated and conflicting relationship that French society has with feminism, and directly contrasts that with American culture of gender norms. We have a society that strives for gender equality whereas France’s does not.