I’ve lived in paris for 5/6 years, I was fluent when I arrived (years of international school) and my mom had already been living here for several years. Still, it was a big culture shock and adjustment and absolutely levelled up my French to the point where now French people usually assume I am from here.
The problem is even with all that, I just don’t feel at home. Some cultural differences feel insurmountable, the blasé and critical attitude is difficult for me, I’ve always been very high energy and jokey and have a hard time finding people in everyday life who match that energy. Whenever I go back to the states I feel so fulfilled and like myself and it really makes me question why I’m here. I have a very cool job in the non-profit sector, so not super well-paid, and a very stable loving relationship, my apartment, my mom… there’s still something where I feel like I’ll never fully be accepted here. I feel like my American-ness immediately puts me down in peoples’ eyes, I feel like I will never write perfectly or totally grasp codes and it will always take me a slight extra effort to understand things that are easy for people here. I don’t get cultural references and I don’t know the clichés of every tiny town and region.
I’m from New York so I liked living here because I felt that Paris was such a better cost of living/quality of life ratio, and I love the work-life balance and accessibility of culture. However, what use are my 5 weeks of vacation if I spend half of them going back home? And probably, I always will, because my missing home will never go away, my friends and family there will keep getting married or getting sick or just being there ?
And France’s descent into xenophobic fascism is not helping. I know all the issues in the US, but it’s different, I am from there and always will be, whereas I am actively choosing to live in France and contribute to its economy.
Just feeling like the jig is up and I did what I had to do, and now I can leave. This is just venting, don’t know if anyone here can relate, if this is a bump in the road or a red alert.
OP is young, she does not have children, she can move to the US and try it out. She has friends and family there, it seems low risk.
Everyone is reacting to that one sentence about xenophobia but read the rest of the post. She is tired of the blasé attitude, of not getting all the cultural references, of not quite fitting in despite her linguistic skills. That’s enough to warrant trying out the US.
I think you misread. She’s originally from the US, from NYC.
She isn’t considering trying out the US. She’s from the US.
One of my biggest frustrations with reddit is how poorly people read posts. Sometimes I feel like no one reads past the first paragraph, they just run to the comments.
And not just US. NYC.
I just “escaped” NYC and now in London. I can’t believe I stayed there for as long as I did because I heavily romanticised being a New Yorker.
Only 2 months in and I’m enjoying where I am now because of how much freeing it is when not every business is out to get you in capitalism mindset and tipping like how it was in NYC.
You’ve only been there 2 months. Just wait.
My disposable income increased by $5k/month. I lost all the weight I gained in the US in the 2 months here (without trying). I get to travel in Europe for fun without breaking the bank. I get to travel for free in Europe for work. I get to go home to Asia for cheaper / faster flight times. The food/produce is not poisonous here. Wine is so much cheaper here. No tipping culture. Etc etc.
So far my quality of life has improved by a lot.
Sure there are some things I miss in NYC and Singapore—two other cities I previously lived in and loved—but London is my home now and, like always, I build a life around what I have and where I am.