The only place that’s even close and that meets even your first criteria would be The Philippines. That first bullet point removes pretty much all of your options except for there.

when’s the last time you stayed in one?

All Selinas in Latin America blow, avoid at all cost. They went wayyyyy down hill when they went public a bit ago, hemorrhaged money. And now everything else has gone with it maintenance, cleaning. I’m not sure if it’s because they get bitched at all day because of aformentioned, but even the front desk people who at a hostel are pretty cool, suck.
-also they’re overpriced even when they were good. But to be fair their bar scene is pretty cool so if you’re staying near a Selina check it out.