I’m in the same situation as you, American living in Japan with my Japanese wife. Per our wills, we want to be cremated and have our ashes scattered in a forest near our home in Nagano. We’re not going to have funerals, either. Instead, we’ll have a party (funds left in will) for friends and family to celebrate and have fun. We’ve both written private letters to our kids and a general video to others that can be played before starting the party. I’ve been to too many traditional funerals in Japan and the US, and I think it’s ridiculous. Especially when the person was a piece of shit and everyone’s trying to spin it, like they were a wonderful human and will be missed. Nope. I like having fun and hope that’s how I’ll be remembered. Maybe our future grandchildren can walk in the forest where our ashes are scattered and tell their children that this is where their family spirit lives on.