I have no love left for my people nor do they have any left for me.
I’m a Cambodian teenager living in Cambodia and no I’m not mixed race or from somewhere else, I hate it here every second. I hate everything here! Living here is like an hour in every second and every day feels like a year. The environment is polluted, nature is beautiful no longer, toxic culture, toxic society, and corrupted government…probably more! Every day feels like a prison…even Norway prison is better than where I am wow! Fabulous! Fantastic! Isn’t that so nice to know?? I would rather end up in a Norwegian jail than live here! Guess what? I would even prefer to choose to live in the US jail than be here! I’m not having it.
Do you know what I wished last time on my birthday? I wished for safety and freedom! Unlike other people, they would wish for toys and an X-box. And Christmas is coming up! “Santa! Santa! I want freedom” Could you imagine? I want to be like other kids.
I also just don’t belong here, I was raised to only speak English, and I didn’t follow any culture or traditional values here. Yes, you could say that I’m white-washed! I don’t even look the same as the local people even the local people think that I am a foreigner when I’m not! Seriously I look more like a Native American mixed with white. I also don’t go to local schools anymore and do online school with an AP curriculum and a US diploma! So once I graduate I can’t get a job here and I don’t want to get a job here EITHER!
Now I understand every country has its problems, so please don’t tell me the " Grass is not greener on the other side" narrative because I KNOW. But I would go somewhere that sucks less! Also, why not choose the one that fits you? I believe in country choice, to me the country choice is the right for each individual to choose their own desired country that matches their persona. A country is human-made and is made by different groups of people with the same agendas and mindsets. So I’m not like other Cambodians and I have different life values. And I don’t even like them! I wouldn’t marry one either god forbid! Not to mention the abuse that I got from my parents and traditions.
By the way, I would love to go to Canada or maybe the US because I’m more familiar with the culture there and I have friends there too! Most of my friends that I have are all THERE! The only time I got to talk to them was late at night…when I am awake they are asleep, So sad and miserable. I can’t have any friends here in Cambodia because last time I literally got attacked by groups of homophobic Cambodians & Russian teenagers! I think I need pets instead…OH WAIT ALL 4 OF THEM ARE DEAD BECAUSE THERE’S NO VET FOR BUNNIES IN CAMBODIA WOW! Ok, lemme find a place where I can have peace! Oh wait it’s not safe! Hmm? How about work your way out? Lemme do that! Wait I’m going to kill myself! “Go to therapist?” Therapy here are full of bias heads and religious WOW! LIFE IS SO GREAT HERE! I WISH CAMBODIA TO HAVE A GREAT SUCESS! WOW OH WOW!
BUT THAT WAS JUST THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG! ❄
HELP ME!
Pursue an education visa with a university scholarship. The fact that you’re Cambodian and if you can do reasonably well on SAT or other university admissions tests will work to your advantage.
Respectfully, you need to address these hatred you have on your own community. Secondly, you sound very, very young. Best way to get out is to grind and excel in your studies then to apply for bachelors in uni at these countries you claimed to be more familiar with.
I also just don’t belong here, I was raised to only speak English, and I didn’t follow any culture or traditional values here.
How is that even possible?
I also don’t go to local schools anymore and do online school with an AP curriculum and a US diploma!
I have no idea what this means, but it seems you or someone, managed to successfully isolate you from the real world.
I wonder if there is something more to this story
Put a plan together. It takes time but do it. If you have to bend the rules then do so. Get your butt to Canada or the US.
You’ve been here before, haven’t you? (Unless all this 👆🏼is a common feeling among young people where you are)
I feel really sorry for you as your parents set you up to be isolated. You were not raised as Cambodian, so will never really fit in there or possible to integrate. You are also not raised as anything else though, so no natural place to go either. You can’t stay in Cambodia due to lack of recognised education and possibly language, but that doesn’t auto translate into other places accepting you.
Many expats enter this limbo of citizen of nowhere where you no longer feel as though you share the same culture/values of your own nation and also don’t share the values of the nation you are living, meaning you only kinda share values with fellow expats also in limbo. You can form your own chosen family with these people (not necessarily actual family, more friends with people in similar situations), but expat life is inherently unstable with a lot of people coming and going in life, so not really suitable for people with abandonment or emotionally connecting issues. You have been gifted no choice in this matter though and raised as a citizen of nowhere, which is a crappy thing for your parents to do and puts a lot of pressure on you to fix the problem they made (though it’s great that they gave you a Western style education, don’t get me wrong). You also have the home school problem I’m guessing of limited social interaction with people your own age, and that social development is going to be really hard to overcome, not going to sugarcoat it
It’s clear that Cambodia is not for you, I think you need to get out for your own sanity. Life won’t be magically better elsewhere, but you will always live in regret if you don’t. Countries don’t just let random people in though, you need to have a skill, so either study abroad at uni for a recognised degree in something useful or learn a transferable trade (things like plumbing or construction are often in high demand, don’t know how that factors into visas. Don’t fall into the noob trap of desperately wanting to leave somewhere but not take any actions to enable that
I also just don’t belong here, I was raised to only speak English, and I didn’t follow any culture or traditional values here.
First and foremost, get started on learning the local language and how to mesh into the local culture. Not with the intent to stay in Cambodia forever, but because it’s an essential skill to have if you plan to migrate anywhere - learning to assimilate is key to succeeding in many societies. If you bring your current mind set with you to a new country, you’re not gonna fit in either.
Second, sit down and find out what type of a career you want. Once you’ve got something figured out, check if it’s financially realistic and if it’s possible to migrate with that career. If it’s not, then pick another career choice and reassess. Computer science, engineering and medical are common suggestions for migration-friendly career choices…
Third, find out where you can get your future degree. This will depend large on what finances you have available. Some countries have no tuition but high cost of living (like Germany), others might have tuition and low cost of living (like Afghanistan). Your budget will determine your options. Canada and the US are expensive options.
Fourth, once you’ve decided on a realistic career and country, start learning the language of your target destination, unless you plan on going to an anglophone country. Start saving up money for the move.
If you have cambodia passport i suggest to move to Philippines; they are like the most westernized Asians and i think you can fit there
Ok
Work as hard as you can, save as much money as possible, figure out what it takes to leave, and come up with a plan. Then execute it.
Sounds overly-simplified, but yelling at the clouds will not help.