Currently living in AUS/NZ with SO. We’re going to be trying for a kid soon, but we have no support network here and no family to help out. I think we should move back to the States, where I’m 100% certain family members would come to help us out for as long as we needed. Given the distance, that just wouldn’t happen if we stayed in AUS/NZ. SO thinks we can just handle it on our own.
We wouldn’t need to find new jobs, as we can just transfer internally. Would taking advantage of your home support network be enough of a reason to back to your home country?
You need to balance the pros and cons of moving back to the US.
Having family members help out with child care is a massive plus, no doubt. My wife and I moved within Germany to be closer to my MiL, and honestly, we would not be where we are career-wise if she had not been omnipresent (and, I hasten to point out, had not offered to help us in the first place).
The cons are the reasons why you left the US. If you just left “to see the world” and liked the US just fine, then by all means do move back!
If you had other reasons for leaving the US, be aware that they will likely still be there when you return.
I’m European, so obviously my opinion on US society is biased (despite having lived and worked there for two years), but for me bringing a kid into the world would be a reason to move out of the US, and not back in.
The US is a much better place to have any kind of unconventional family structure. For example: I make significantly more money than my husband does so, when we have kids, I’d probably take like six months of leave and then my husband would take over/become a SAHD. In the US, people would be like “Oh cool!” In Germany, they’d be like “Scheiß Rabenmutter wieso kann eine Frau Kinder kriegen, wenn sie eigentlich nur Karriere machen will?!” Similarly, adoption is also semi-common in the US and no one would bat an eye if your kids look completely different from you (other than the initial “Oh I didn’t know”).
Plus if you can afford American healthcare… in the US, they have an RSV vaccine for pregnant people/infants and all hospital staff must be current with all of their vaccinations. In Germany, something like one in three women are abused by their doctors during pregnancy/birth and, when you consider how common home births are, realistically like half of women who deliver in a hospital are abused during the process (namely the doctors follow outdated practices (Kristallgriff) and do not respect the patient’s consent). With my experience in the German healthcare system, I’d rather give birth in a Sanifare toilet than in a German hospital because the toilet staff aren’t going to tie me to a bed and cut my taint in half without my consent. At least in the US, I can tell the doctors off if they cross a line and they’d listen to me because there are consequences for not respecting patient’s rights. Aber tja hauptsächlich ist das Kind gesund…
You are entitled to your opinion. I am sorry you had those experiences.
Myself (despite being a foreigner and my wife working full time), have not had such experiences and have had only positive ones in Germany. My wife also happens to earn a lot more money than I do and I have never heard the things you mention.
Truth be told, you sound like you are not enjoying your time in Germany, given how incisive your comments were. I know that, were I not happy here, I would not remain.
We’re just going to gloss over American maternal mortality? Uh-huh
That’s what I mean by “if you can afford it.” If you control for factors like income, the maternal mortality rate isn’t actually higher in the US than in other developed countries.
Plus that shouldn’t be the only factor that matters if like half of the people are left with PTSD and other severe complications that could have been avoided.
I’ve been a stay at home dad in the US and (German speaking) Switzerland, and I feel waaaay more accepted/supported in that role in Switzerland. Just a data point for you